Monday, February 27

Don't back down, 'cos you're the dirtiest trick in town.

This week is possibly one of the busiest for any Major Car Dealership in the UK, with a new registration plate coming out on the 1st of March.
People around me at work are dropping like flies, sitting with their head in their hands wondering why....whyyyyyy.... do we still do this.

I appear to be recovering, albeit on a slight and slow basis, from the weekend.
My day off this week appears to be none existent, but I'll try and slip one in some other time when nobody notices so much.

Tomorrow, I'm out watching the delights of Kanye West play live. Should be a good gig, although I wish he'd have played a smaller venue.

The blow up sheep we bought from Ebay should hopefully arrive by the weekend, meaning we can put our plan into effect. Without giving too much away, it involves the sheep, some helium, a piece of thin rope, calculated timing and my Sales Managers house.

Panic not....there will be photos.

Sunday, February 26

Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.

Although my initial reaction was disappointment at the lack of Meatloaf on the Karaoke disc, we still had a ball! I was a little worried that the others wouldn't be up for a sing and it would end up a wash out, but everybody joined in making it so much more enjoyable. Of course, we all stank! Not one of us could carry a decent tune, but we were already in "don't give a shit mode" by that time and I'm proud to say, my highest rating was "wannabe", which beats "tone deaf" any day of the week.
My duet with Krusty on The Black Eyed Peas "Shut up" will go down in history!

My brother Pandy phoned me just after 1am. Actually it was his wife who phoned me first, asking if I was still up and was it ok to phone at this time and they'd had a drink and was I ok, 'cos my name had come up in their conversation and Pandy decided to get all emotional about missing me. We had a quick chat before I told him I had to go 'cos everybody else was waiting to kick the Karaoke off.

After a while, we all felt a little hoarse (yes I have spelt that right, 'cos I meant in the voice department and not, repeat not to be confused with any kind of bestiality). Shortly after the singing (used in the loosest term possible) was over, Krusty's friend produced Twister and there then followed 4 tired, slightly drunk people attempting what can only be described as a clothed rendition of a roman orgy.

Just after 4am, we began dropping like flies. It became apparent that the remaining 8 people left wouldn't all have somewhere comfy to spend what was to be just a few hours asleep. I was outside having a cigarette when everybody else decided it was a good time to do "bagsy's" on the 3 beds in the house, resulting in me sharing a part of the floor, again!
Needless to say, I didn't get much rest, nevermind much sleep and after I got up a couple of hours later to go to the toilet, I found getting back off extremely difficult. This was probably due to my discovery that the guy who's house it was has a new puppy. It wasn't the little dog that disturbed me, it was the fact that the guy plays classical music on repeat all night in the dog's room.

I was gonna mention how strange some people can be, however I haven't yet admitted that on Friday when The Blagger was here, we went on Ebay and bought a blow up sheep.

There is a completely innocent reason for this....I think!

Saturday, February 25

I don't know who you are or what you do or where you go when you're not around....

Last night....

Messy :

Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: cluttered
Synonyms: blowzy, botchy, careless, chaotic, confused, dirty, dishevelled, disordered, disorganized, frowzy, grimy, grubby, littered, muddled, raunchy, rumpled, slapdash, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, unfastidious, unkempt, unneat, unthorough, untidy

Not too sure about the 'raunchy', but hey, it's close enough.
The Blagger and I got kinda wasted. He even bought me a little bit of weed, bless him.

Meatloaf songs did indeed grace my speakers and apart from the great retro feeling we both felt, I have to say he's a crap duet partner and such I've told him that we won't be continuing the partnership tonight.

I have no idea what's on the karaoke disc, but I'm kinda hoping for some Smiths or Cranberries, so my out of tune vocals won't sound so bad.

I've only done this karaoke thing once before and that was in a pub full of people, who thankfully were as drunk as I was. I wasn't brave enough to do a solo, so I did a duet with a girl who was so bad that she actually made me sound good.
Apparently, all this karaoke idea came from me and my bog mouth a few weeks ago when we had a session round The Blaggers and he mentioned his little sister had a disc for the Playsation that's a karaoke game type thing. Before the sensible part of my brain connected with my mouth, I'd already said it would be a laugh to have a night with said game and a few other people around. What's developed from those ill spoken words is a group of 12 people all piling around a friends house, with a bring a bottle rule and some singing involved.

Last night, we thought it was a great idea and we were both looking forward to it. Today at work, I've been wondering what the hell I've let myself in for.

Worst case scenario : I make a fool of myself in front of 11 other people who've probably had enough to drink to let slip how bad this could be.
Best case scenario : Simon Cowell is one of the 11 and he swiftly signs me up for a 4 album deal, tells me to quit my job and pack some things for my first video shoot in *insert ideal Country here*.

On a side note, upcoming gigs for me include:
Kanye West, Kubb, Hard Fi and Placebo.

On a side, side note, it's officially the weekend now that I've finished work (until tomorrow, but let's not mention that!), so get that eyeliner on, dress to impress and remember that weekends are best when experienced commando!

Friday, February 24

Ain't no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed. We were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed.

The 'quickie after work' (that's a quick drink in the pub for anybody wondering if I had a quick shufty up against the wall)
*Shufty meaning a knee trembler*
~Knee trembler meaning a woohoo~ ....
Shall I start again....

We were due to go for a quick drink in the pub after work. We did, but the enjoyment ended prematurely....don't you just hate it when that happens!!!

I'm now back here, with The Blagger on his way over.
He's already pre-warned me that drinks will continue over at mine, which is fine. The worrying thing is just before he left, he asked me to make sure I had some Meatloaf on my pc to play.
I think he wants some practice for tomorrow night, when about 12 of us are piling around a house and attempting some karaoke-a-la-squiffy.
*for squiffy read kinda tiddly*
~for tiddly read kinda tipsy~
{for tipsy read....oh forget it}

Come on everybody...."Though its cold and lonely in the deep dark night. I can see paradise by the dashboard light...."

Thursday, February 23

Three little birds sat on my window and they told me I don't need to worry.

The washing machine ate another one of my socks again!
I hope it chokes on all the odd socks it's swallowed since I've been using it!

I appear to have mastered the art of ironing. I have a couple of pairs of jeans and a pair of combats that never...never look any good, even after I've spent a painstaking amount of time working the iron over and over and over them. Most of the other stuff would come out fine, but these few things just used to stare up at me from the ironing board with a creased up grin and I would reach the point of defeat. No longer though....I've found a new, improved way of getting those stubborn creases out and the sad thing is....all it took was a gentle extra spray of water.
Simple things eh?
One of my work shirts has pale white stains on it. This is not good. I think it might be something to do with the deodorant I'm using, but the weird thing is, it's not all by where I would expect it to be. It's like....little splashes and speckles all over the front. Maybe it's something to with the washing powder I've used. The worrying thing is, it actually looks not unlike somebody has got over-excited and 'shot their load' all over me. I would surely remember such an occurrence! It's going back in the wash anyway, stupid shirt.

I only didn't get around to phoning the financial company because they close at 8pm and by the time I'd finished everything else, it was too late. It can wait until tomorrow.
As can filling my fridge and food cupboard with something. I put that down to the simple fact that I find food boring and the thought of walking up and down aisles in a shop, looking at food, checking prices, choosing food, changing my mind....well, it's about as appealing for me as locking my front door and listening to Barry Manilow on full volume.

I'm not saying my dream last night was fucked up or anything, but holy many other people can say they've dreamt about their ex girlfriend and Madonna. No kidding. I can remember standing in the street, talking to her about things, then suddenly, around the corner comes this huge black limo. When I say huge, I mean huuuuuge. Out stepped some burly looking bodyguards, followed by Madonna, who then dominated my dream by talking to me about relationships and giving me advice about my love life for what felt like an eternity. In fairness, I just wanted her to shut up and do an impromtu song and dance, but alas, it never materialised.
How come if it's my dream, people don't do what I really want them to do? Damn unfair if you ask me.
I can't even remember thinking about Madonna or my ex last night. Or in the past week or so, for that matter.
And no....I didn't have any cheese before I went to sleep either.

Oh, and it snowed today. Or rather tried to snow, but the wet ground meant it didn't settle.
I love the snow.

You bite through the big wall, the big wall bites back. You just sit there and sulk, sit there and bawl.

A day off work?
Hell yeah!

Whilst most people who have time to themselves during the working week, would bask in the delights of doing nothing, I can't enjoy that pleasure. In reality, I'd get bored and frustrated very quickly if I just sat around, flicking through TV channels, doing very little. Although the thought of a battery recharge is somewhat appealing.

I will come back to later to review just how well I've done on my list of things I'd like to get done today.

  • Hoover the whole house, top to bottom.
  • Polish and wipe down all the surfaces.
  • Clear my washing basket.
  • Clear the ironing.
  • Clean both bathrooms.
  • Go through all the unopened letters and sort into 'pay', 'keep', and 'shred'.
  • Burn 3 cd's for The Blagger.
  • Rectify the empty fridge situation.
  • Ditto the food cupboard.
  • Remove the brown leaves from Leon.
  • Check my financial situation online.
  • Probably cry about my financial situation.
  • Decide "fuck it" about my financial situation and go buy something for myself.
  • Sort out the pile of cd's that seem to be breeding in piles on the floor.
  • Call a finance company that have unwisely said they might lend me some money.
  • Check in at work to make sure I don't go into a mess tomorrow.
  • Speak to The Blagger about Saturday nights' arrangements.
  • Make a new mp3 compilation cd for my car.
  • Eat something.
  • Email my brother.
  • Delete some things from my pc that I don't use anymore.
  • Defrag the bugger, hoping it will speed up a little.
  • Buy a USB connector for my mobile phone.
  • Possibly buy some new footwear. I'm thinking along the lines of walking boots style, not trainers.
  • Have a cup of coffee or 6.

    As with all lists, there's two other things to consider; the things I've missed off that get remembered during the day and the things I decide to do impromptu.

    So....on goes the kettle....
  • Tuesday, February 21

    Sooner or later, you take off your skin and go to sleep.

    I have an unwritten rule that I will never make an entry when I've had a little too much to drink.

    Tonight is one of those nights and it's only Tuesday.

    Saturday night, I've been asked to go to The Blaggers place, where I'm told there will be quite a few people, a karaoke machine and a bed for me to sleep in.
    I'm seriously thinking about saying yes, but then again, Saturday night seems so far away right now.

    Today has been a pile of shit at work.
    Today has been a complete wanker.
    Tonight, I miss the thought of being able to unwind in the company of another person.

    The jury is still out on whether when you've had a drink, that you find yourself saying things that you really think and feel or whether you just say things 'cos your mind is awash with alcoholic influence and you talk general bollocks.

    I don't think not eating anything has helped at all.

    Monday, February 20

    I will never resign myself from the trial I seek.

    Today, I've been on another training course.
    Well....this particular course isn't technically a training course par se, mainly because most of it involves driving various cars around a race track.

    There was a little 'training', which mostly involved us being re-told about all the new technology we have available on our new cars. Oh and also we were told that women now make up 50% of the new car buying market and even when the car isn't for them, they still make 80% of the final buying decisions.
    It's true when I think about it though, because many's a time I will spend time with a guy talking about engine ranges, fuel consumption, storage space and all the other boring shit and then when it comes to the crunch of him making a decision and saying "Yes, I'll order one of those please", he usually says, "I'll just have to check with 'Mission Control' or 'The Other Half' or some such like, clearly indicating that it's his partner who makes the final decisions!

    Besides the 'classroom' stuff, I've driven a new Honda Civic that looks like something out of a futuristic movie, with an interior control panel that's not unlike the Starship Enterprise. I've put the VW Golf through it's paces with some (even if I say so myself) impressive handbrake turns. Thrown the new Toyota Yaris, VW Polo and Renault Clio around a small chicane course and tested their ABS braking. Done some high speed laps in a Ford Focus, pushing it's suspension system to the max and then got taken around the race track at 140mph in a new Ford Focus ST by a very nice girl who just happens to be a rally driver, of sorts.
    Perks of the job, I guess.

    Today aside, the weekend turned out to be pretty uneventful, with the exception of being reminded just how much of a complete wanker some guys can be.

    I've not long got back and the rest of the evening will see me sipping cheap nasty white wine, listening to some nice chilled out music and wondering what the hell some people see in each other.
    My solace is that I've just lit some nice scented sticks and they smell lovely.

    Thanks for the small things, huh.

    Friday, February 17

    You're answering questions that have not yet been asked.

    I've updated the mp3 music files listed on the right, in the jukebox part and also gotten around to updating the background info page, which is always listed on the left.

    I'm now gonna finish off this cheap shitty wine, finish an email, ring The Blagger to find out what's happening tomorrow and then listen to some great tunes before retiring to bed and falling asleep to a DVD.

    A great weekend is almost upon us!

    Tuesday, February 14

    Last night.....she said....

    Can I swear?
    Last night watching The Strokes play live was fan-fucking-tastic!

    The Blagger absolutely loved it!
    I'm kinda proud that I broke his cherry of watching live bands with such a damn fine gig.

    I can't go into too much detail because I'm in the middle of an MSN conversation with the blogger girl who I had the naughty dream about. More gig details will however, follow shortly.
    In fairness, she's only asked about it once and in all honesty, I won't be giving her details anyway.
    But needless to say, the conversation so far has covered Butlins, pubic hair, boy racers, valentines day, stubble, Jude Law the love rat, snorting, bitch tits, broken cars and strange searches on Google such a huge vulvas.

    Surreal you say?

    Sunday, February 12

    Don`t give up on the dream, don`t give up on the wanting and everything that`s true.

    Strange weekend.
    And that pretty much sums it up.

    That shitty day is just around the corner....
    I still don't understand the meaning of it all. All the crap that goes with people (guys mostly) showing their love and affection to their partners, showering them with gifts which are interpreted as "I love you".
    It's more like a dictatorship of affection....
    More like a forced affection to keep the balance.

    When I've been in relationships during Valentines day, I've never made a big fuss about it. In fact, I've always been quite vocal with my partner about how crappy the whole thing is. They've always been understanding, but it still caused an unnecessary amount of pressure on me to do the card, present, take them out routine, because I didn't want to be seen by others as a miserable or unloving shit.
    I never needed any excuse to show partners how much I loved/cared for them. When I wanted to buy them something, or take them out impromptu, or leave them a little note saying "I love you", then I just did it.

    Card manufacturers are the only people who gain from this sort of thing. And restaurants, of course. How frustrating is it trying to book a table for 2 on Valentines night?
    Damn frustrating, I can tell you.

    Bollocks to the whole thing.

    Now excuse my language and excuse me while I go drown my sorrows with some cheap shitty wine.

    Thursday, February 9

    Got it...flaunt it...boy I know you want it.

    I didn't sleep long last night.
    It was one of those nights where no amount of tossing and turning, no amount of quilt re-positioning, no amount of pillow fluffing could help me drift off in the direction of the land of nod.

    There was a dream....
    About a fellow blogger, who I don't know very well at all, apart from the occasional exchange of comments.
    It got very steamy in fact, it put Tina Turners' "Steamy Windows" to shame.

    I have no idea why it was so graphic, vivid or indeed intense.

    Perhaps it was something I ate.

    Tuesday, February 7

    Hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold.

    It's been a weird evening.

    After work, we went for a quick drink in the pub.
    When I say we, what I mean is, me, The Blagger, his girlfriend and a the girl who works on the service reception...I forget what name I gave her....and he's been explaining how come he has to take something to read with him, when he goes for a shit.
    What the hell is that all about?
    He told me that when he stays at mine, he struggles...and resorts to reading the ingredients on the side of bath bubbles or shampoo....

    I swear....I'm either seriously missing out on something, or he's just very odd!

    I've updated my links and there's new mp3 music files available to download on the right sidebar...just under the older stuff....

    Wednesday, February 1

    No alarms and no surprises, please.

    ....and to top everything off, I'm now sick.