Monday, April 1

Who would you blame for blowing the flame right out? Is it me? There is no doubt I can do what I want to do, from now until forever. Let's have less of getting clever with me.

I started this blog in the aftermath of being dumped by a girl. A girl who I thought the world of. But the relationship was moving faster than my emotions could cope, as this was my first real relationship since the break up of my marriage. And I still carried those scars for a long time afterwards.
When she finished things with us, it wasn't so much her reasons for doing it, as I could see her point of view, but her actions afterwards that hurt the most. Within days, she made sure I knew she was seeing someone else. She kept stringing me along with confusingly suggestive text messages and late hour voicemails of tears and love and missing. Like a fool, I fell for it, for a while. Within weeks, he was moving his stuff into her place, and introducing himself into her kids lives. That was painful. Within months, she told me she was selling her house and moving down to the south coast, to his home town. Just like that! I mean....fuck.
Years later, I came across and old work colleague when I was scrolling through company employee names on the email address book. Out of the blue, he mentioned her. Said he thinks she got herself a drug problem, gained a load of weight and never heard anymore after she left work and moved away.

Last week, I found myself thinking about her. Where she is now. If it worked out for her, what she's doing and if she's happy? I tried searching for her on Facebook, but she's got quite a common name, and she may even be married. I've considered contacting other people on Facebook who would have known both of us. But I haven't done anything about that consideration yet.

She had great dress sense. A little bohemian. Lovely long hair, a really cute tattoo and always wore matching under-wear. We had a conversation about it once. She said it was important to her, it made her feel good about herself, like she'd made an effort.
We met outside a swimming baths.