Saturday, February 28

Never seem to get in the place that I belong. Don't wanna lose the time, lose the time to come.

Another visit to the Doctor, my own Doctor this time, has resulted in me being diagnosed with Asthma. It's not 100%, but he's pretty sure and there are further tests which I have to attend in a couple of weeks. Lung Function Tests they are. All sounds very ominous, huh?

So where do I stand now?
Well, I'm not sure. But with conversations with the Doc about my current co-habiting with pets and various aspects of the job I do, neither bode too well with me feeling any better anytime soon. If this is Karma biting me on the arse then I'd really like to know what I did that was so wrong....

I knew it was gonna be a tough year, but please.

Sometimes you feel useless. Sometimes I feel so useless. It's a difficult thing to shake. I'm not giving up without a fight though. I know something good is gonna come out of this year, even thought getting there is gonna be so utterly unforgiving.

Thursday, February 12

And I don't want no substitute. Baby, I swear it's Deja Vu.

With each new video it becomes more apparent....
Well, to me at least.
And I find it very difficult to believe that I'm in a small minority here, but alas, I don't hear/see/read many other people mentioning it....the fact that Beyonce isn't a good dancer. I can't help but see a cross between Tina Turner and Freddie Starr. Perish the thought!

Perhaps I am on my own here. Or perhaps I simply need to get out more.

Unfortunate shot for the horn-blowerHa. Blow that horn bitch!

Wednesday, February 11

Appliances have gone berserk. I can not keep up.

Even in these tough times, Sony show that they've still got it!

NSFW by the way.

Tuesday, February 10

I don't know much, but I know this for certain. And that is the sun poking its head round the curtain.

I seem to be feeling a little better, although I'm still far from feeling one hundred percent.
And I find it ironic that I use that a measure considering I can't even remember the last time I felt anywhere near one hundred percent.
I managed to gain some control over my breathing, assisted by an inhaler, only to find myself suffering with terrible stomach pains and a full and unhealthy relationship with the words 'shit', 'eye' and 'needle'.
Still, it could be worse.

I'm desperately scratching around for work. Have been for weeks now. In the quiet times I made the mistake of searching through websites; reading up about plumbing, construction, recession effects, training and other things that have been a large focus of my life for the past few years. A mistake because I've been left feeling like I've made a huge error. I can see it now. I can see all the info that I should have taken on board way back when I was thinking about ditching out of the rat-race. Left wondering why, why, why didn't I see this coming.
And I still feel like I'm a burden, not a boyfriend.

Of all the times a small person can come into the room, it just has to be when the song "Fuck You" comes on, huh? Nice one Lily!

So....on a scale of one to ten, how happy are you, seriously?

Tuesday, February 3

And I can't move my arm, for the fear that you will wake. And I'm five years ago, every thousand miles away.

Without wanting to make such a blanket statement, I think most people would agree that having access to the WWW and The Internet makes life easier.
Just the other day, I was remarking how much easier it must be for school kids nowadays. Long gone are the days when researching a subject or person meant such things as going to a Library or talking and interacting with other people. Perish the thought! The most brain-power they have to apply nowadays is just how much 'copy & paste' they can get away with. Anyway....that wasn't my point.
Since the beginning of the year I've been feeling unwell. My energy levels have been piss poor, but more importantly I've had problems breathing. The best description I can give is that I'm struggling to draw anything other than shallow, rapid breaths. The evenings are the worst, finding me waking up several times; coughing, struggling to catch a breath and feeling like I'm fighting to breathe through a straw. I don't appear to be suffering any cold or flu like symptoms; no sore throat, no headaches, no snotty nose.
I'm aware that giving up smoking can often result in chest/breathing/coughing issues and had probably convinced myself that this was as good an excuse as any. But I just can't manage anymore. I'm waking up several times every night with this breathing problem, causing me to cough and splutter, yack and make the most awful noises while I'm fighting to calm my breathing down. Having to deal with it myself would be bad enough, but I've got other people in the house trying to sleep too and I'm surprised that The Girl hasn't at least tried to muffle me out with a pillow over my face.
I have a Doctor's appointment later this afternoon.
In anticipation of this, I've been surfing around websites, looking at symptoms and possible causes. This is where I'd like to state that having access to the WWW and the Internet isn't such a good thing after all.
Enter "shallow breathing" into Google. Click one site, then another. Follow the links. Click, click, click. Read through one site where all the symptoms sound familiar. Click through to another where it sounds like I've potentially got something else. Page after page, link after link, site after site. All of a sudden it gets to the point where I have to close all the pages down because I'm now wondering which of the potentially fatal diseases I've got. Wonderful.