Tuesday, November 25

This is just a nightmare. Soon I'm gonna wake up. Someone's gonna bring me around.

In my other life, the one I can dream about, I'm everything I want to be.
By day you would find me at the controls of a mixing desk, tucked away inside some recording studio.
Making good bands sound even better.
Making shit bands sound as good as they ever will.
Making sure nobody runs out of coffee.
Being witness to the birth of something wonderful. Time and time again.
Leaving a tiny little dent imprinted for people to find, should they have the inclination to look.
By night you would find me amongst the crowds, seeking out different sounds, different directions, difference.

How could any of that possibly feel like work?

Saturday, November 22

There are things I could've told you. There's a time and a place. Well, my words would allow me to say what I won't change.

The relationship between The Girl and her mum is alien to me.
I've never been witness to such a cool parent and sibling situation before, certainly not first hand anyway. It's very warming to see.

They seem to be able to speak to each other about everything. Everything and anything. And I know that's how it should be between parent and child. After all, what parent wouldn't want to know that their child, their own flesh and blood, can speak to them about anything. Anything in the world.

Sometimes though, it's quite strange to be in the same room as them when The Girl talks openly about things like drugs and sex. Her mum doesn't just sit there and listen. She actively takes part in the conversations, sometimes even instigating them. Just this morning, they were talking at quite some length about how much 'maintenance' having a fanny* is. Previously, there have been discussions about smoking dope, taking pills and the like. And then there's the use of naughty words. The Girl doesn't seem to think twice about dropping in a "fucking" or a "wanker" mid sentence, to which her mum appears to take in with the same ease as having a discussion with a neighbour about keeping chickens in the back yard. When her mum swears, I usually have to ask her if she did just say what I thought she did. And she confirms it with a sly smile. No wincing in sight.
Nice as it is, it still takes some getting used to when I overhear things such as The Girl telling her mum that the reason we didn't answer the phone was because she was upstairs, being taken over the bed. After exchanges of that kind of nature, it's quite amazing that I can still manage to look her mum in the eye.

The relationship I have with my own parents is quite different. I could never speak to them about previous drugs experiences I've had. I can just picture my mum's face when I would be telling her about the last time I was really stoned, or when I used to 'pill-up' before hitting the clubs. Her face would resemble a mixture between a girl who's just found naked pictures of herself on the internet, taken years ago by an ex boyfriend, and a bulldog chewing a wasp. And if I let out a "fuck" or "wanker" into a sentence, I'd almost certainly be blessed with a swift smack round the face. In my younger days it would have been a clip round the ear, but as the years have gone on, the punishments have progressed.
I'd liken the relationship I have with my parents to that of working for a friendly Boss. You could talk to them about things, say the occasional mild swear word, banter around the outlines of sex, things like that. But cross the line and you'd know about it.

I really enjoy being so involved with The Girl's family. They've been nothing but lovely and welcoming to me, and I know that they'll never know just how wonderful that feels for me.

I guess part of me wishes that I had such a cool relationship with my own folks. Even though we get on fine, most times, I can't but wonder what it would have been like had they been more open and loving with me. Because that's exactly what I feel like I lacked in my childhood.

*In the UK sense of wording, not the American.

Tuesday, November 18

How did we get here? I used to know you so well.

I love this City.

Thursday, November 13

It takes patience, lots of patience. Then it's over. Fucking over.

I stumbled upon this amusing story earlier and it made me realise just how sucked into the whole virtual world thing people can get. It's bordering on scary.
The Girl is particularly excited about the new expansion pack for World Of Warcraft that's been released today. She's already got her copy, but I insisted she went to uni instead of 'working from home'. Yeah, right. As if she would have done any work, knowing that new undiscovered lands, enemies and quests were within her reach. I don't get the whole WoW thing, but each to their own, I guess.
Needless to say, I've just signed up with Gamer Widow. Just in case.

I've signed up for Swiss Tony's Shuffleathon again.
I'm very much looking forward to listening to the CD currently being compiled for me by Cody Bones. I'm resisting the urge to 'read up' on Cody and the person to whom I will send mine. OK, so I quickly clicked over and had a brief read, but left it at that. I especially don't want anything I read about my recipient influencing my choices. That would take the fun out of it. And I'm not telling them in advance that it's coming from me either. They are, from what I can gather, a well known Blogger, who, by some very odd coincidence used to know The Girl....back in the day.

The Family.
I loved it. Heavily edited, but none-the-less a compelling watch. Each episode found me warming to each family member more and more. Except Emily. Even though the producers managed to show her soft and caring side, she was just far too much of a bitch for me to handle. I liked the mum though, much to The Girl's disapproval.
Unfortunately, it's finished now. Not long enough, dammit! Luckily my Wednesday evening viewing hole can now be filled with new episodes of The Big Bang Theory. Cool.

The Wire.
Season Three is over for me now. It took me a while to get through, but I got there in the end. Whilst I found the last episode a big disappointment, the rest of it was great. I really like the fact that it doesn't matter how minor or major the character is, there's always a chance they wont make it through to the end of the episode. And I don't know whether it's just the way I've connected with it, or if it's down to the excellent writing and presentation, but I can't help but root for the bad guys. Human nature dictates that we would always want to see good prevail over bad, but for me, I like to see the bad guys get through to fight on another day.

There's no good news on the work front. My phone is very quiet, so much so that I went back down to The Midlands a few days ago and did a couple of days work with my mate down there. How desperate is that!? The Girl and I spoke about it again last night. It's all very doom and gloom. Still, it can only get better than it is right now. So, onward and upward and all that jazz.
A refreshing and much needed change to all the depressing crap came in the shape of my birthday last week. The Girl and her family treated me to some lovely presents and a really nice evening out. Although I could have really done without the "Happy Birthday To You" tune in the restaurant, along with the candlelit waffles presented by our waiter. Cue red face and desperate wish to be invisible.

Saturday, November 8

I climbed the wall, the wall of news. I watched them show the tragedy.

It's weird.
I'm sat in my mum and dad's living room, my parents sat on chairs opposite, stoned (me, not them), wondering how I'm gonna explain that I think I've just wiped their hard drive.

Tuesday, November 4

You change you mind like a girl changes clothes.

There are piles of letters, words and sentences
All waiting in line, taking their time
Fighting to make sense, trying to break out
Of this four walled room, laced with impending doom

Something may escape, although don't count on it
I'm just watching the clock, sadly missing its toc
Staring at the background, willing it away
Lessening the tedium, loosening the symptom

Providing the cure