Saturday, November 22

There are things I could've told you. There's a time and a place. Well, my words would allow me to say what I won't change.

The relationship between The Girl and her mum is alien to me.
I've never been witness to such a cool parent and sibling situation before, certainly not first hand anyway. It's very warming to see.

They seem to be able to speak to each other about everything. Everything and anything. And I know that's how it should be between parent and child. After all, what parent wouldn't want to know that their child, their own flesh and blood, can speak to them about anything. Anything in the world.

Sometimes though, it's quite strange to be in the same room as them when The Girl talks openly about things like drugs and sex. Her mum doesn't just sit there and listen. She actively takes part in the conversations, sometimes even instigating them. Just this morning, they were talking at quite some length about how much 'maintenance' having a fanny* is. Previously, there have been discussions about smoking dope, taking pills and the like. And then there's the use of naughty words. The Girl doesn't seem to think twice about dropping in a "fucking" or a "wanker" mid sentence, to which her mum appears to take in with the same ease as having a discussion with a neighbour about keeping chickens in the back yard. When her mum swears, I usually have to ask her if she did just say what I thought she did. And she confirms it with a sly smile. No wincing in sight.
Nice as it is, it still takes some getting used to when I overhear things such as The Girl telling her mum that the reason we didn't answer the phone was because she was upstairs, being taken over the bed. After exchanges of that kind of nature, it's quite amazing that I can still manage to look her mum in the eye.

The relationship I have with my own parents is quite different. I could never speak to them about previous drugs experiences I've had. I can just picture my mum's face when I would be telling her about the last time I was really stoned, or when I used to 'pill-up' before hitting the clubs. Her face would resemble a mixture between a girl who's just found naked pictures of herself on the internet, taken years ago by an ex boyfriend, and a bulldog chewing a wasp. And if I let out a "fuck" or "wanker" into a sentence, I'd almost certainly be blessed with a swift smack round the face. In my younger days it would have been a clip round the ear, but as the years have gone on, the punishments have progressed.
I'd liken the relationship I have with my parents to that of working for a friendly Boss. You could talk to them about things, say the occasional mild swear word, banter around the outlines of sex, things like that. But cross the line and you'd know about it.

I really enjoy being so involved with The Girl's family. They've been nothing but lovely and welcoming to me, and I know that they'll never know just how wonderful that feels for me.

I guess part of me wishes that I had such a cool relationship with my own folks. Even though we get on fine, most times, I can't but wonder what it would have been like had they been more open and loving with me. Because that's exactly what I feel like I lacked in my childhood.



*In the UK sense of wording, not the American.

4 parlez:

Fern said...

family can be so many things, no?

Cat said...

I used to be really close with my mum, and then she kind of let me down a few years back, and it's never been the same. Now I keep my distance, and would never confide in her. I'm quite happy to swear in front of her though!

(Comment verification - upplarse. Nice.)

bedshaped said...

fern,
How tue.

cat,
No chance of forgive and forget?

Anonymous said...

how very strange.. somebody I can relate too!