Saturday, November 28

I love your depression and I love your double chin. I love most everything you bring to this offering.

Nobody is perfect.
We all fuck up.
Often in small doses, sometimes on more monumental scales.

So, I don't care that your underwear doesn't always match.
I don't care that you get occasional spots, bare the scars of children and would rather turn the light out before you undress.
Just the fact that you felt close enough to let me in a little, is more than enough. On a par with something monumental.

Is it too much to ask that you don't care either?

I can forgive your knickers on the floor, if you can forgive me turning my back.

I feel like I could write a song about you.
But maybe not just now.

Saturday, November 21

The sea filled in this silence, before you sank those words. And now even in the darkness, I can see how happy you are.

Not only does he get tongue-tied, but he also worries about you shooting him down in flames, no matter what he says to you.
He very much wants you to see the right shapes, but in the past when he's shown you a circle, you've seen a square.
So, does he poke the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and really concentrate, or does he stick to his word and just give the bare minimum, believing that the small talk was just a means to an end.

He's been sitting on this for days now, and it's very unfair of him to do such a thing. You deserve so much better, and it's apparent that you have and are achieving exactly that, regardless of the circles or squares.

When he only gives you the 'answers', he really hopes that you understand that not only is that all he could muster without getting tugged in the wrong direction again, but also, that you all made it pretty clear what your collective thoughts were.

Time serves its purpose in larger doses.
It hasn't done its job yet.

Friday, November 13

Just take what you need, and be on your way, and stop crying your heart out.

The best place you can ever be, is at peace and within finger touch of being completely happy with yourself and your life.
That's exactly where I am tonight.
There is usually an influence or catalyst involved, but tonight there's no influence from simple alcohol or drugs. But an influence, all the same, from some higher or possibly deeper spiritual thing. And I love that. That there are things at work in this world, this life, this universe, that we can't understand. But if we could only realise that understanding isn't the important thing here. It's acceptance. open armed welcome....a true embrace.
I don't know the ins and outs of the human brain, but I have acceptance and confidence in it's power and workings.

Earlier today, a client of mine came back for a brief visit to give me a home made chocolate cake (as a thank you) and we shared a kiss on the cheek. And it's things like that, that rekindle my faith in people. Ok, so not everybody....but some people have good, pure good in their hearts.

Some people are just complete and utter shit-bags. But it's wrong to tarnish the entire population with the same bleak brush. Ok, so maybe the good people always come last in the race of life, but I'd much rather pace myself, in tandem with similar thinking people, and cross that finish line in my own good time.

There's no room for elbows in the chest, sneaky trippings, pushing, shoving or the likes.
Winning and coming out on top isn't the be all and end all.
And for all the people who are stood there waiting at the tape, grinning and smirking at the others way behind them....just think how lonely you are up there. Not only that, but also think about how isolated and cold you feel. In reflection, was it all worth it?

Don't judge.
Don't think for other people.
Don't fill in the blanks.
If you do any of the above, then you might as well isolate yourself from the rest of the human race and live your life in a cocoon of second guesses.

The other night, I went out for a family meal.
The couple to the right of our table were mostly sat in silence. The few times they spoke, it was from the girl, who questioned the guy's motives, his dedication to the relationship and his apparent flippant behaviour.
"You haven't told me that you love me for over a year", she said.
He sat there in silence.
I felt like slapping him on the face and telling him to wise up or fuck off. Whatever his decision, it had to be a deep and heartfelt honest one.

The couple behind us were talking about a third party who had caused a rift in their relationship. The guy was brushing it all off with a roll of his eyes and toss of his hand. The girl was obviously deeply hurt. Not only by the cause, but also by his reaction.
As an outsider, I can see exactly what was wrong.
As an outsider, I wish I could have banged their heads together and helped them sort things out.
What the fuck is all this second guessing shit?!?!?!
They left soon afterwards. She was walking a few steps behind him all the way to the exit.

Why is it so easy to see the shit and problems with other people and yet when it comes down to your own just can't see it the same. It's like a blinker, or handcuffs, or some kind of transformation into Disney's Goofy; the dumb fucker.
Ego, maybe? Or perhaps the reaction of close friends? Worry and concern what other may thing of you?
Well, fuck all that shit! They don't live your life!
Is this life worth living, if you live it abiding to other people's rules and regulations, judgements and opinions?
The simple answer....

This life is your life.
Live it!

Sunday, November 8

You can throw away all those letters, I don't care about what they say. All those sorrys, there's a million reasons why you can't mend me....

Leona....She goes fucking Mahoosive on her latest album.
It's quite brilliant.

She goes mahoosive:
Stop crying your heart out

And then she takes mahoosive and pisses all over it with this:

I don't know who she uses as song-writers, but they've done a fantastic job of growing Leona into a whole different level of play. It's an album worthy of any challenge to say; Mariah Carey, Alanis Morissette, Whitney, Evanescence, Avril Lavine, Rhianna, Christina, Britney and the likes.

The album's now over, but something is nagging at me. So, I think back. An earworm is forming already. Four more clicks on the mouse and I find it again....

The slow burning gem:
Can't breathe

Last night I bet my brother twenty quid over 'something'. And although last night I may have been over-brimming with confidence, today I can't even begin to think what the bloody bet was over?!
And this morning, I was late for work. That'll teach me to have a good time when it's slightly inconvenient to my life.

Lots more to say, just not right now. Not a good evening for me.
I should be in bed!

....don't even try.

Saturday, November 7

Don't call it a comeback, we'll hold an event in here. This space is beautiful, I'll decide when it is over.

So, don't call it a comeback.

A message to the guy who invented woofers and tweaters.
"You have no idea how much you changed my life. Thank you!"

The best part about being at a gig? Feeling the air being pushed by sound alone. It's amazing. Deep, deep in the stomach amazing!

How about some:

Meck - Windmills (sundan remix)


John O'callaghan feat Sarah Howells - Find Yourself (original mix)

or maybe

Robbie Williams - Morning Sun

I'm going round my brother's tonight. We're having a kind of chilled out post birthday kinda thing. Staying over, work tomorrow and I'm almost certainly going to get very, very stoned. I'm planning on introducing him to 'Handbag House' and taking the piss out of him because he text me last night with a "LOL". How many times do I have to tell him; omfg I don't do internat chat shit ffs, roflmao.

Laters x

Friday, November 6

Water is my eye. Most faithful mirror. Fearless on my breath. Teardrop on the fire of a confession. Fearless on my breath.

It's absolute fucking genius.

The hook, the riff.

You really need to love this.

You shower me with lullabies, as you're walking away. Reminds me that it's killing time, on this fateful day.

The clue is in the song.

I've had two books, some Terry's Orange segments in a big tub, a bottle of Cava and lots of cards. It seems I've been tracked down again. I must up my roots sometime soon-ish.

Only one of my Manager's knew about today. And she kindly mouthed it to me at the beginning of the morning meeting. Sweet! The cakes and doughnuts might have given something away though, but I blamed another sales guy; who's birthday it was two days ago, saying he was on delayed timing. I think it might have worked.

I love my job, but I'm only earning enough money for my own bills and little else. This pisses me off big time. I have debts to pay back, dammit!
I want to earn enough show them all.

My life has changed in such a huge way.
Maybe people change when it's their time to grow up?
Get eaten by the worms, and weird fishes.
Picked over by the worms, and weird fishes.

The keyboards are meandering....swaying....blurring and warping.
Then the piano comes in.
Up and down, up and down, up and down.
Then the voice.
His pitch perfect voice.
"Snot nosed little punk".
How could you not love it, or even just like it enough to give it a few more chances?

I have a sting in my tail, as far as the stars are concerned.
And that's all you need to remember.

And that I'm frustrated that I can't spread my wings on FaceFuck.

Sunday, November 1

Brother of mine, don't run with those fuckers. When will my friend start singing again?

What sort of idiot wears a white top knowing that he's gonna be drinking red wine during the evening?!
C'est moi!

The chicken wasn't as nice as the duck, but then again, the dog was nowhere near as good as the pussy.

You know....sometimes....sometimes a song just comes on, randomly, and it fits perfectly.

And as I listen to this, the plinky piano merges into cello and violin.

And suddenly, the smiles turn to tears.
Just like a loaded gun.

Today didn't end up how I I wanted.

I posted this 20 minutes ago, and I can't stop re-reading it and crying.