Saturday, June 25

What if I was wrong and you had never questioned it? What if it was true, that all we thought was right, was wrong? Simple math, the truth cannot be fractioned. I imply I've got to get it back then.

Trying to put my house back together is proving a very tiring and draining task; both mentally and financially.
Each time I begin sorting something out or fixing something up, another problem unfolds and gets added to the impossibly lengthy list.
I have to admit though, it's becoming more and more disheartening living here with absolutely minimal furniture, no carpets, no wallpaper, just one set of curtains, no lampshades, walls that are in need of re-plastering, a garden that's been completely wrecked, two completely empty bedrooms and one containing boxes of my things with nowhere to put them, a bathroom that's completely unusable, restricted access to the garage due to a broken door, a damaged front door, a broken conservatory door and this and that and more of the other. Not to mention I spend most nights wearing two or three tops because I can't afford to heat the place properly. And let's not forget the broken fridge that's mostly empty because I can only afford bare essentials.
But, I grin and bear it.
I grit my teeth and soldier on.

What's killing me is solicitor and court costs.

I have a date for a court hearing set for July 12th, when I will find out if the laws of this Country think I have a case against the Lettings Agency.

Thursday, June 16

And you bring me to my knees, again. All this time, that I could beg you please, in vain. All the times that I felt insecure, for you. And I leave burdens at the door. on your own is tough.
For those that wish for it.... For those that strive for it....For those that dream of it.....
It's fucking hard.

Put aside the monetary implications.

I have two cats and a plant to talk to.

I've always said, "Alone, but not lonely". And I've always believed it.
There's a huge difference.
Most people can't see it.
I can see it. I am living it.