tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98883552024-03-14T09:46:56.673+00:00Some Guy On A JourneyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger585125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-74135948226835008082013-12-24T00:54:00.000+00:002013-12-24T00:55:28.311+00:00Are you really here, or am I dreaming? I can't tell dreams from truth. For it's been so long since I have seen you. I can hardly remember your face anymore.It's not that I havent got things inside, that I wanna spill out on here. Far from it.
I just....
I think I've become a little lazy. Logging into here feels more like a chore, compared to Facebook and the like.
Even with my unforgivable neglect here, I've just checked the stats, and this place is getting around four hundred hits a month. To me, that's like totally fucked up. Most of them are Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-10416804693406040172013-07-29T19:07:00.001+01:002013-07-29T19:07:33.124+01:00Excuse me for a while. Turn a blind eye, with a stare caught right in the middle. Have you wondered for a while? I have a feeling deep down you’re caught in the middle.I've just subscribed to Q Magazine again.
I cancelled it a few years ago, whilst I was really struggling with money, and I never renewed it because I felt like it was a luxury I could afford to be without.
I can't even begin to express how good I'm feeling right now, being in a better position to be able to afford myself one small luxury.
Amazing.
I know it wont last for much longer, since they Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-48184473547762938382013-06-23T15:24:00.001+01:002013-06-23T15:32:27.187+01:00And the ones that I made pay were never the ones who deserved it. Those who helped me along the way, I smacked 'em as I thanked 'em. Yes, I know I'm going to Hell in a leather jacket. 'Least I'll be in another world while you're pissing on my casket.The guy who lives next door with his wife (I think he said they were married?) and their two very young children, has just stormed out again. Last night, I could hear raised voices, escalating into burst of shouting. Followed by banging doors.
They both seem like really nice people, although I haven't really spoken to her, just seen here here and there, and we've both been politely acknowledging Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-42996379202252353732013-05-24T17:34:00.000+01:002013-05-24T17:35:30.442+01:00Didn't ask you to save me. Not when you knew me well. Wouldn't ask you even to behave for me. I know there's no help in hell.So, several weeks into my new role at work. All has been going very well, and if I carry on like this, I might even be able to dig myself out of the debt pit I've been sat in for the last oh so many years. Eventually.
Nice timing then, when the big bosses at work have decided to change our pay plans. We've had a months notice to let us now our commission structures will change, and as such, we Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-61025236814527097722013-05-18T20:04:00.000+01:002013-05-18T20:07:23.385+01:00I have searched for you, in the darkness of a dozen dingy dance floors. In countless queues in cafes in the suburbs. In the bed clothes of a thousand stranger's bedrooms.I'm getting stoned tonight.
It's been a long, long, long time since I've had a smoke.
I don't miss it. I don't long for it. I don't crave for another.
As with most drugs, getting stoned affects different people in all kinds of different ways.
For me, I feel an amazing connection with music. I love music anyway. Music is my life. But enjoying music after one has partaken on a spliff, I feel Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-73773381851377623022013-04-01T20:54:00.000+01:002013-04-01T21:53:13.873+01:00Who would you blame for blowing the flame right out? Is it me? There is no doubt I can do what I want to do, from now until forever. Let's have less of getting clever with me.I started this blog in the aftermath of being dumped by a girl. A girl who I thought the world of. But the relationship was moving faster than my emotions could cope, as this was my first real relationship since the break up of my marriage. And I still carried those scars for a long time afterwards.
When she finished things with us, it wasn't so much her reasons for doing it, as I could see her Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-26655726688339722382013-03-31T18:54:00.000+01:002013-03-31T18:54:30.699+01:00And there's a part of me that still believes, my soul will soar above the trees. But a desperate fear flows through my blood, that a dead love's buried beneath the mud.I'm hoping that going forward, I'm going to see a slight improvement in my finances. My role at work has switched, and if I can make it work, then hopefully my earnings will improve. Then perhaps I can start to make a dent in this debt, and do some more things around the house.
Having such a lack of money has meant I've really missed out on life lately. With no spare cash I've not been to any Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-25416962207465689962013-02-09T22:04:00.000+00:002013-02-09T22:09:11.493+00:00So save your breath, I will not care. I think I made it very clear. You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?So, we're already into February and it's been okay.
Usually by the second or third week of January, I'm already thinking it's gonna be another shitty year. But it's been okay.
Currently feeling like John Cusacks' character in Hi Fidelity.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-513033780451896152012-12-22T23:44:00.000+00:002012-12-22T23:53:58.969+00:00It's in the water, baby. It's in the pills that bring you down. It's in the water, baby. It's in your bag of golden brown.We are fast approaching that time of the year.
Christmas bears too many scars, and feels tainted beyond repair. New years eve holds too many dark memories, the darkest almost swallowing me whole.
Christmas is a time that many people don't realize just how lucky they are. The homeless, the lonely, the dying, the people spending this time of year without their friends around, without their family Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-75011396854479061672012-11-04T18:44:00.000+00:002012-11-07T21:12:41.656+00:00 Silhouette of emptiness, wrapped up in thoughts of nothing less. My chest is pressed, as I attempt to cross this bridge you're building.The last few days, I've been feeling like I've making an impressive dent in the progress of getting this house back in order.
Having rebuilt the kitchen from scratch, rebuilt walls, redecorated, new floors, lots of painting....downstairs is pretty much done. Bar a couple of small odd 'n' ends. I'm off work for a week now, so most of that will be finishing off redecorating the three bedrooms. ThenUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-69073233845684124512012-09-28T22:54:00.003+01:002012-09-28T22:54:47.971+01:00I'm going down, I don't want to change. I'm going down, going down the drain.Wow, loads of people that I used to read have just....stopped....blogging....
It's really sad.
All these lovely people who've shared things for me to read. And some who've paid visits here too.
It feels like friends breaking up.
It's pants.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-69088422686132066692012-09-28T22:44:00.000+01:002012-11-07T21:13:19.149+00:00So break yourself against my stones. And spit your pity in my soul. You never needed any help. You sold me out to save yourself.I'm doing ok.
But I keep getting holes in the end of my socks.
I've gone through three pairs this week.
I'm beginning to feel a bit more like myself now.
Most of my paranoia has all but disappeared, since I stopped being stalked.
And I'm helping my folks out with their new bathroom next week.
It will so nice to give them something back, after all they've done for me.
I'll never repay the debt Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-77357089291712821202012-05-29T22:24:00.000+01:002012-05-29T22:30:21.140+01:00I'm not living, I'm just killing time. Your tiny hands, your crazy-kitten smile.My court case is over.
When my Barrister said to me, "When you're on the witness stand, sworn in under oath, you're on your own", I don't think I quite realised just how alone I would feel. It's just awful.
When we adjourned after I had given my evidence, we sat in one of the private consultation rooms, where my Barrister begun to tell me that in his opinion, based on his experience and from Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-26540708938081902272012-05-22T00:44:00.000+01:002012-05-22T01:38:27.867+01:00This storm it came up strong. It shook the trees, and blew away our fear. I couldn't even hear.I'm having a really difficult time at the moment.
But my camouflage is proving successful.
I'm finding it difficult to get a decent nights sleep, tossing and turning. Turning and tossing. I'm often drag myself out of bed, feeling like I've slept in a ditch.
Guilty. Guilty, Guilty.
I can't help feeling so terribly guilty.
On top of that, I've found out today that my case is finally being heard Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-53243785044155521462012-04-27T22:14:00.000+01:002012-04-27T22:14:14.281+01:00'Cos we've been through worse than this, before we could talk. The trick of it is, don't be afraid anymore.When a relationship ends, it can fester into bitterness if you feel like you haven't got your side of the story out.
It's terribly frustrating. I know, I've been there.
She's coming over on Sunday, to collect some more things from the house. She's been asking me for ages for us to sit down and talk. It pisses me off that she wants to talk now, but when it mattered she did all she could to avoid Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-15902783262430094932012-04-25T22:04:00.000+01:002012-04-25T22:04:49.046+01:00When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you, as much as I do? When you gonna make up your mind? 'Cos things are gonna change, so fast.Whilst I love being in a relationship....who doesn't? I really do love being on my own.
I never seem to feel a sense of loneliness, despite being alone. Although I have Marley, the plant that seems to be a true survivor, and the two cats. The house never feels empty. And it's never peaceful. Ninety nine percent of the time, there's music playing somewhere.
Whilst I love being able to eat what I Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-73894458311903982022012-04-18T22:04:00.003+01:002012-04-18T22:08:30.224+01:00I'll stop all those habits. The ones that made you sigh. I promise I'll do everything right, so please don't let me hear you say goodbye. Gone way past the point of realising this mess. Your name on my lips, lingers through sadness.I'm not quite sure where I go from here.
Well, I am actually.
I just need a little gathering, and reflection, and peace.
emas eht eb reve dluow gnihton, em ot deil yltnatalb dah uoy derevocsid I nehw.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-79080592632036329522012-04-15T22:04:00.060+01:002012-04-15T22:06:47.156+01:00I remember how it used to be. Now it's all just changed, and I'm cold in the grave. It's like I won't ever be the same, no. Now I'm alone.She changed.
I saw it, as I gradually opened my eyes.
She threw the chance I gave her right back at my face, with malice and spite.
All those promises broken.
All that trust destroyed.
I gave all the support I could to my girlfriend. All the support she would allow me to give, when she wasn't shunning me, making excuses, spitting lies.... She made a choice, and as a consequence of that, I asked Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-88345368320348045272012-02-14T21:24:00.006+00:002012-04-07T18:20:39.050+01:00I need sunshine, I need angels. I need something good.My case was heard in court today.
Basically, it's been adjourned because the Judge ruled that my case had not been stated clearly enough. "Clear as mud", he said. Followed by 40 minutes of legal jargon that went right over my head, but my Barrister appeared to understand.
So, it's still ongoing.
Fuck it.
I thought it would be over one way or another, today.
That aside, I'm coming to the Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-77649913838727677572012-02-07T23:44:00.002+00:002012-02-07T23:46:36.408+00:00But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died. Told you I wanted more, that's not what I had in mind. Just want it like before.Ohhhh mannnnn.
What have you done!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-50261897488068904462012-01-26T22:34:00.005+00:002012-01-26T22:34:05.490+00:00You're like a kitten with a ball of wool. And it's doing me in, doing me in, doing me in....Two things....
One: For fucks sake!
Two: I have my court date. The fourteenth of February. Valentines day. For fucks sake! Again!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-48709988605039453902011-12-22T23:24:00.005+00:002011-12-22T23:26:02.226+00:00I've been waiting for you, it's been so long. I knew just what I would do, when I heard your song.This year, I shall be raising a glass of vino to the people we lost this year and taking a minute or two to think about the people less fortunate than ourselves.
Something mahoosive is happening tomorrow.
Merry Christmas xUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-7322747707986686992011-12-20T21:44:00.004+00:002011-12-20T22:03:08.110+00:00Eighty Six Charlie, he came back. Said he'd been thinking it over. Says he's had a change of heart . He thinks he's made a grave mistake.And just when I'm about to get all wrapped up in my own self-pity, wondering why things in my life are so complicated and tough, so barren and bare....something happens to slap me in the face and wake me up to all the other people's crap in the world.
And once again, I'm feeling lucky. In a way.
Earlier today, my ex-wife lost her step-dad. He was as close to a real dad to her and her sister as Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-53962713502879245362011-12-17T20:04:00.001+00:002011-12-17T20:07:36.180+00:00Are the details in the fabric? Are there things that make you panic? Are your thoughts results of static cling?They pulled out at the last minute.
Seriously, fuck my life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9888355.post-13129858402897950392011-12-11T22:14:00.002+00:002011-12-11T22:16:06.432+00:00And in one little moment, it all implodes. This isn't everything you are. Breathe deeply in the silence, no sudden moves. This isn't everything you are.Hearing at just after 9am on the day of completion that "something has slipped through the net" isn't the best kind of news.
It hasn't all fallen through. It's been delayed. By another week.
Yeah, no problem. Just unpack loads of essential day-to-day stuff, call all those companies up to reinstate services, beg with the removal company to hopefully reschedule for next week and not lose initial Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2