Saturday, January 1

Day one.

I guess I should begin with my reasons for starting this blog.
I've always written things down or kept some sort of journal. I find it a good way to vent, ponder, dream and reflect. Over the years I've written on several different journal/blog sites but for one reason or another, I've ended up deleting them.
I still write in Deadjournal, which is a place where I lay down my thoughts more than anything else, but there are some people who read it who make it difficult for me to show my bones.
I don't think this blog is a replacement, or at least that's not my intention at all.
Last year, 2004 was a shit year for me. I think I suffered every kind of emotion possible and even at the end of it all, I can honestly say that I learnt nothing about myself except I deserved every last spike in my chest.
Not being an optimistic kind of guy, I'm reluctant to say this year is gonna be so much better, so I'll settle in hoping it's gonna be no worse.
It will certainly have some big changes for me.
Currently faced with an expired welcome time living at my parents house, I'm very soon to embark on finding a place of my own. Although I'm desperately aware that I need my own space, this will be the first time I've lived alone and I'd be a liar if I said it didn't scare the shit out of me.
My only companions on this imminent journey will be Jewel, my cat and Leon, my houseplant, who is looking decidedly frail, poor little guy.
Over the coming weeks, months or even years that I continue writing here, I'm sure I will write more about our adventures together, past, present and future.
I can't say I hate my current job, I don't. I just hate the fact I've once again allowed myself to be sucked up into a rat-race company. Although I don't hate my job, it's not the most enjoyable job in the world. It's not the job itself, it's more down to the people I work with, which includes both my work colleagues and members of the public.
I sell cars for a major car manufacturer. I don't sell used cars, only new, so I'm not quite in the league of the picture you just conjured of me in my Arthur Daley tweed suit. I don't bullshit my way to get a sale, I don't rip people off, I treat my customers the way I'd like to be treated. Unfortunately, a car salesman is almost on the same level as an estate agent or a traffic warden in Joe Publics eyes.
Being completely disillusioned with my current occupation, I've decided that this year will mean making some rather large decisions, particularly in the work area. I'm still undecided which direction to take, but I'm beginning to weigh up the pros and cons of working for myself. Initial research suggests it's a bit of a minefield, so there's plenty more digging for me to do before I can make a more informed judgement, but not having a boss to answer to is certainly appealing to me.
So yeah, that's my goal.
So returning to the beginning of this entry, my reasons for starting this blog are quite simply somewhere I can talk about my journey.

In case you're wondering....

A little about this guy on a journey:
  • I'm right handed, although secretly I've always wanted to be a 'lefty' because that always seemed more cool and different.
  • Music is my first love. I listen to all different genres, except that scatty jazz stuff, which I thinks sounds like each band member is playing a different song.
  • I have an older brother (Pandy), a sister-in-law (Ju) and a niece (Blue).
  • For many years, I worked in Sales based roles, ranging from Retail work, Recruitment Consultancy, Sales Rep and selling cars. After much thought and deliberation, I decided to throw in the towel and work for myself. It didn't work out, so now I find myself back in Sales.
  • I stand at around six feet tall.
  • I have two houseplants. One named Marley and the other Aretha. Unfortunately, Aretha went to plant heaven. I tried my best to save her, I really did!
  • As a growing lad, I experimented with the drugs scene. I've always been strong enough to refuse 'Class A' drugs and when the experimental years were over, the only one I continued with is smoking weed, which I still partake in.
  • I have three tattoos; one on each of my arms and one on the base of my back which hurt like a bitch! All of them are my own designs.
  • At the age of seventeen, I packed my bags and left my parent's house to begin to live my own life.
  • I love the snow.
  • My eyes are dark brown.
  • Beautiful is my favourite word.
  • I don't like people who are liars, cheaters and backstabbers.
  • I believe in Karma.
  • I don't think that death is the end.
  • My navel is pierced with a ring. I used to have my left nipple pierced too, but I had to take it out when it got accidentally ripped a little.
  • I think girls with tattoos can look uber sexy, especially if it looks like some thought has gone into the design and placement.
  • I live on my own in a house that's far too big for me. At the time when I bought it, it was definitely the right thing to do, but as things have changed in my life I've realised that it's just a huge waste of space.
  • Manchester is my favourite city in the UK. 
  • My favourite number is four.
  • I've seen lots of bands play live and it used to be a bit of an obsession of mine. More recently this obsession has calmed down and this pleases my Bank Manager much more than it does me.
  • I've been married once before.
  • When I left school, I was working as a reasonably sucessful DJ in local clubs.
  • I can never list my favourite top ten movies or albums because they constantly change depending on my mood.
  • Green is my favourite colour.
  • I can think of many other things much more interesting to do than watching TV, consequently mine doesn't get switched on very often. That said, I really enjoy Lost and am a Big Brother whore.
  • Money can often be the root of all evil.
  • Chocolate Hobnobs are the best biscuits.
  • I don't wear any rings. Any jewelry I do wear is either silver or 'earthy'.
  • I can roll a decent spliff in under sixty seconds.
  • My preferred cigarette of choice is Marlboro Lights.
  • Untidy pubic hair is horrible.
  • I am one of the eight million adults in the UK who's in 'serious debt'. My Bank Manager hates me and often the feeling is mutual. I am living in hope that one day I wont feel physically sick when a letter from my bank appears on my doorstep.
  • My brother spent 10 months on chemotherapy after being diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease. Luckily, it was caught in a fairly early stage and his treatment was sucessful, although he still has to attend periodic check ups.
  • I hate wearing suits and am most comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
  • Only two people in my 'real life' knows about this blog. If I lose my anonymity, then I wont even have to think twice about hitting the delete button.
  • I don't want to be either rich or famous. I just want to be happy.

Get a little closer to bedshaped.

Your chance to be my ears....

Every once in a while, I upload mp3 music files that are available for you to download and listen to via any mp3 player, such as Winamp, Sonique, Media Monkey (my preferred) or even old faithful - Windows Media Player.

Just click on the link of the song you wanna listen to. It will take you to a host site that holds the file for me for roughly 7 days. It's apparently restricted on the amount of downloads as well, so be quick!

The site is completely safe.
The files I upload are completely safe. They are all mp3 music files and cannot contain any viruses. assured I scan everything on my pc anyway (can never be too careful) and you can always scan the file yourself.

Music is one of the most important parts of my life. It's pumped me with energy when I've been going through good times in my life. On the flip's helped me through some of the shittest times. Whatever the has seen me through.

This is the opportunity (if you wanna take it) for anybody to 'be my ears' and listen to some of the stuff I have playing while I do my thing.

Any questions, please feel free to mail me.

Enjoy the ride.