I've been longing for as long as I can remember, for something like this to go my way. And it always feels so right, and then you take it all away.

Tomorrow morning (Tuesday), I have to ring up and quit my job.
I start my new one on Wednesday.

Things
Happen
For
A
Reason

Sometimes, the fastest way to get there is to go slow. And sometimes, if you wanna hold on, you got to let go.

If you see that girl in passing, tell her I said "hey".
But only if you catch sight of her, no need to go out of your way.
She'll most likely shrink up her nose, trying to recall.
Cast her eyes up to the heavens, watching angels fall.
And frown and stumble her thoughts, come what fucking may.

Tell her not to worry, if she hears there's a body in the lake.
But only if you catch sight of her, no need to go out of your way.
Those fallen angels crying, dry tears of an unreturnable love.
When the truth came out, as push came to shove.
Her defenses rose up an army, turning everything colourful to grey.

She should know one thing, that she's not been thought of in days.
But only if you catch sight of her, no need to go out of your way.
Her stubbornness and silence, a sight for sore eyes.
If only she knew the truth, and saw through everybody else's lies.
Maybe in time she will, maybe she will become herself again one day.

I know this silence, been here before. I'm walking blinded through your door. This is a sense of things to come. This innocence.

New shirt - Check (White, crisp, virginal)
Suit - Check (A little on the big side now)
Polished shoes - Check (Shiny!)
Tie - Check (Damn, I hate wearing ties)
Fuel in the car - Check (enough to get there anyway)
Bath - Check (Love a nice, relaxing bath. Extra bubbles please)
Shave - Check (Damn you new razor, you fucking bastard, cut my neck..kjsdfhsdfjhsdf)
Teeth brushed - Check (Several times)
Pubes trimmed - Check (Well, I like to feel good about myself!)
Research on the Company - Check (Established, family owned, growing)
Playlist for the car journey - Check (Euphoric Emotions)
Slightly sicky feeling - Check (A little nervous? You bet!)
Application form completed - Check (Waffle waffle)
Photo to accompany application form - Check (Damn you fucking new razor!!)
Directions to Company - Check (Printed out 'cos my Sat Nav died)
Throw one out to relieve any tension - Check (Welcome back mojo)
Pre Interview nerves - Check (Bubbly)
Smellies applied - Check (Damn, I smell nice)
Going commando - Check (Oh, if only they knew!)
Bottle of wine for disappointment/celebration - Check

Maybe it's selfishness, you say. All the promise I've broken thoughtlesly, I know that's no way to live.

V music festival this weekend.
*sigh*
Just spoke to my niece who's there with her boyfriend. I got them the tickets. It's sunny, they're drinking lots and have Ladyhawke, The Streets, The Enemy and Oasis to see later. Damn n fucking bollocks, I'm so, so jealous!
Loving, loving, loving the E4 advert for the V Festival. That's my church.



I've just sent a text message to her, asking her to ring me if Oasis play a certain song. And telling her to take care.

A guy passed out at work yesterday. That's 3 this month so far. There are ovens, lots of heat and stagnant air, and no ventilation.

It's been a strange day, today. Earlier I met up with a girl I haven't seen or spoken to in over 15 years. She looks....the same....but with bigger tits. She's had them done. It was the second thing she told me on Facebook.

Why does sending a card sound like such a bad, terrible, intrusive, unwanted thing to do.

Tina Dico - "You Know Better."

Listen....listen to what she sings.
Couldn't have said it better myself.

But I realize that I need you, and I wonder if I could come home.

Bea's hair looks lovely. I wish she wasn't such a spoilt bitch.
And Davina looks really hot tonight.

What's happened in my life this week....? Well, I've had my hand crushed at work. My knuckles to be exact. Hurt like a mutha fucker and I now have bruises on the back of my hand. Great.
The place I work for have cut 3 temps and my hours....in fact every other temps hours have been cut down. Oh joy. But you have to keep positive and get on with it, right? Right!

Maybe its time to post some of the posts I've 'drafted'. Maybe. I dunno. I read them back and I'm still not sure how much sense they make.

Things are changing for me. They have been for a while. Growing, changing, spreading out, reaching out, flowing, expanding, morphing....

I love, love, love the new Imogen Heap album. It's like.....beauty personified.
Maybe I should have been born lesbian.

Imogen Heap - Bad Body Double.

The sound of silence grows, as the spider's kiss is laid. The tumor becomes malign, but the kids are doing fine.

I always swore to myself that I'd never blog when I was drunk.
Things change, huh.

I didn't get any of the three jobs offered at the place I'm currently temping at. In fact, yesterday, the postman delivered a letter saying I'd not even got through to the interview stage. Couple that with the fact that my hours at work have been cut down again....I probably should be feeling pissed off. But, I'm not. These things happen. It's not a bad thing, a negative thing. It's an opportunity. An opportunity for me to make things different, move on and get myself straight again.

There's a mahoosive spider walking about in the dining room. My mum would be freaking out right now if she was here. I don't have the heart to catch it. It's probably just wondering where it's home is. Poor thing.

I've written a post about sex. It's in the 'drafts'.

I've donated half my wardrobe to a charity shop.

Bea, from Big Brother....I used to like her. I used to really like her. Apart from the fact that she's blonde, she seemed to have all the characteristics of a girl that I like. But lately, she's shown a different side to her. A side that I don't really like. I feel a little....let down by her. Since Freddie got evicted on Friday, and he was my favourite to win, now I'm left wondering who to support.

Long skirt, strappy top, long hair. Long skirt, strappy top, long hair.

I don't look backwards, only forwards, because that's where my future lies.

I love driving a car again, instead of a van. Just the fact that I have windows and vision behind me, instead of having to use the stupid door mirrors makes a mahoosive difference. Not to mention the comfort, the steering, the four doors, the space, the braking, not having to wait for glow plugs to warm up.

Music is saving my life, once again. I have fell back in love with music.

Here's a couple of choones I've been throwing down shapes to lately. They are great for exercising too as well. Great bass lines, great beats, great vocals. Damn, I love this kind of stuff.

Armin Van Buuren - This World Is Watching Me
John Ocallaghan - Big sky

This has got to die, I said this has got to stop. This has got to lie down, with someone else on top.

I've been out tonight.
And the good news is....I've got my mojo back!

Once set, our footprints when you carried me along , it was then that I abandoned my fears.

Blood, The Last Vampire is a great, great movie.

Also The Mist. Great film. So intense. And especially the soundtrack over the last 10 minutes or so.
"Well, we gave it a good shot. Nobody can say that we didn't."
"Nope, nobody can say that."
"We got erm....four. Four bullets"
"There's five of us!"
"I'll figure something out."

Brilliant, brilliant ending to the film.

I'd like to say a sincere thank you. Thank you to all the people who emailed me and commented on my last post. Although a few of the emails were a little....'digging' at me, the majority were supportive, so thanks to everyone who contacted me. It's very much appreciated.

I think I've replied to everybody.
I'm fine by the way. Everything in my life is good at the moment. Ok, so things could be better, but that's not the point. The point being that everything that's happening in my life is positive. There's no room for negativity in my life at the moment. Negativity just drags people down, and I don't allow that anymore.

It feel kind of odd that I've been more moved by the death of John Hughes than I am of Michael Jackson. There's no doubt that MJ was a talented artist. No doubt at all. But I've been moved more by the passing of John Hughes, probably because he affected me more directly with his visions and movies; The Breakfast Club, Ferris Buelleur's Day Off and especially Some Kind Of Wonderful. Such a talent and visionary. What a great, great loss.

I'm completely hooked on Big Brother. That's because I'm a Big Brother whore! This year has been soooo good, with all the relationships, mental bending and tasks. I like Bea. I can't help it, but she's got so many qualities that I like in a girl, apart from being a fake blonde. And I like Siavash. But I still want Freddie/Halfwit to win.

Strangely, Facebook has captured my imagination and I'm loving the connectivity at the moment. I've reconnected with friends, family members and the like, and so far it's all been good. But there's a major difference between Facebook and blogging, for me anyway.

I've found some great music lately. Cat Power, Bats For Lashes, Placebo and particularly Delores O'Rioran. Her second solo album is just great. She has such a wonderful voice. What a shame The Cranberries broke up, but I guess it was all down to where she felt she was in her own personal life.
This song on her latest album makes me cry, for many different reasons;

Delores O'Riordan - Lunatic.

I'd love to be able to play that on the piano.
*sigh*