I can bind your beautiful wrists. And shut your beautiful eyelids. With the drugs, with the drugs, with the drugs.

Fare thee well, 2009.
You've not been dull, that's for sure.
But it's time we parted ways.

You can keep me pinned, 'cos it's easier to tease. But you can't paint an elephant, quite as good as she.

It worries me a little that I'm told I was eating pork pie on Christmas night.
I hate pork pie.
I saw a programme once, about healthy eating, and they showed a guy taking a bite of a pork pie and then a bite out of a block of lard. Lard! And they said he was getting nothing more out of the pork pie than the block of lard, as far as nutrients, goodness, etc is concerned. From that moment on, I turned my back on pork pies!
Apparently, I was also singing "Mr Brightside" at the top of my voice, into a 'soap on a rope' shaped in the form of a microphone. Don't ask!
Best not mention then, that at just after midnight, I went outside, running to my car, shouting out at the top of my voice that I wanted to hear some Lady Gaga! This was confirmed in the morning, when I asked my brother why my flash drive from the car with all my music on, is by the side of his computer?!

It's ok though. I slept on the sofa, and I checked myself for bite marks in the morning. Nothing!

You are creating all the bubbles at night.. I'm chasing round trying to pop them all the time.

She was sat on the far sofa, talking about her current tempestuous relationship.
She asked me if I thought it was working.
Silence.
Then she asked me what the cure was for a broken heart.
I sat for a while....

How do you get over a broken heart?
You replace your ex with somebody else.
All those spaces and voids that were festing away in your life since you broke up, you fill them, with somebody else.
A different accent, different eyes, different hair.
A different way of hugging, of kissing, of touching.
Start going out to different places again.
Enjoy introducing somebody new to your friends and family, and revel in the remarks of how much nicer this new person is than the 'ex'.
Ok, so being naked with a new person might feel a little weird at first, but you'll soon get over it.
Having a new person in your life wont leave you with that deep, empty pit in your stomach, because you'll have a new part of your own journey to trek, with a new person, along a different path.

You just simply 'fill' your empty heart with somebody new.

She just made an affirming noise with her mouth, then made us another coffee.

"Rise" Eddie Vedder.

I tread a troubled track. My odds are stacked. I go back to black.

Sometime, during the festivities, take a moment to think about people who aren't as fortunate as yourself, and what kind of Christmas they are having?
People should put differences aside for just even a moment.
People should make that extra effort.
People should stop holding the grudge, and forgive.

Merry Christmas.

xx

When we collide we come together. If we don't, we'll always be apart. I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it. When you hit me, hit me hard.

My kids are brilliant.
I love my kids more than anything else in the world.

My eldest wants to be a teacher.
My middle kid is a musical genius.
My youngest has all the makings of a great artist.

I don't talk about my kids on here. They are my private world.

I think I feel ok about Christmas and the New Year. Weird and different this year, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it.
My folks are flying off in the early hours, so I will have the house to myself for a week. I've been invited to few places, so I'll be fine for the first few days.

I want to sort things out. I want to pay off my debts.
I want to move forward.
Without thinking of what I left behind.
Or what cast me aside.

And focus on me and my future.

And all my destinations will accept the one that's me. So I can breathe.

"Y-Y-You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough.
You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying t-to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream."

Amazing. Amazing and beautiful.

Gonna rise up, burning back holes in dark memories. Gonna rise up, turning mistakes into gold.

It's ok to have an 'off' day, right?
And how about a couple of 'off' days?
Or three or four?

I need to shake myself out of this funk.
This reminds me of dark places I'd like not to visit again.

A Christmas alone this year isn't helping either.

I normally find the Christmas/New Year holiday period a difficult one. It will be even more so this year, after the year I've had. And I think that's what's bringing my feet down.
So I guess, the worst case scenario is that these funky times will only last until new year.
I think I can make that.
Phew!

I think I felt you disappear, disappear, disappear. I know it's awful but I'd already said my goodbyes.

It's kinda weird knowing.
I don't even know how I knew. I just....did.

And it's ok, yano.

I remember when we had such fun and everything was fine, I remember when we used to have a good time, partners in crime.

I've just had a genius idea about remixing an 80's classic.

Shush.

I pronounce it aluminium, 'cause there's an I next to the U and M. Now write it down slowly, and read it out fast.

I am euphoric tonight.

And over at theauditorium, there's a run down of the top ten albums of the year, as selected and reviewed by moi, swisslet and LB. It's all cool to drop over and say something.

"I was born on a horse, that's all."

I need to feel I'm getting stronger. Long as I'm moving, it feels true. And with each step, I will forget. Forget all of those memories of you.

Quite simply a brilliant remix.
Brutal in the mix....brutal in the lyrics.
Thanks Alanis x

Freemasons - "Uninvited (club mix I think, but fuck it, just a brilliant remix all the same)"

and just because....a brilliant remix of Heartbreak by Sophie Ellis Bexter and The Freemasons.

I spoke to my Nan tonight, while I was stoned.

And there's gonna be reviews, and a top 10 listing of both; albums of 2009, and albums of the decade over at the auditorium between me, LB and Swisslet soon. How cool is that? Like music? Go over....