Wednesday, June 18

Tell you something that I've found, that the world's a better place when it's upside down.

So, The Girl tells me that if I were to ever go to the Doctor with a problem with my downstairs departments, then I should allow a little time for my pubes to 'grow out'. Apparently, my 'pruning' techniques may be frowned upon by said Doctor.
This grew out of a discussion we were having about the last time she made a visit to her Doctor and was, as she went on to explain, met with a mixture of surprise and mumbled "Ye Gods!" when she 'assumed the position'. Mind you, I did tell her that perhaps the extra trimming, shaving and pruning into the shape of a down-pointing arrow may have been over doing things a little! She didn't do that really. It was just something that popped into my head during the conversation we had, along the lines of, "Well, it's not like you'd shaped your lady garden into something like a star or a heart or a duck...."
She seemed a little surprised that I didn't realise that this is the sort of thing that girls think about when they have to make a visit to the Doctor, where a peek of their equipment would be involved.
"Do I leave myself Au Naturel? Do I prune and trim a little to tidy myself up? Am I bothered that I take the whole lot off normally or is that going too far? How far is too far?"

I'd be terrible as a girl. I'd probably shave the whole lot off and when the Doctor clapped eyes on my nether's, I'd be saying, "Yeah, who's the Daddy now!". In my head of course.

I shall be filing this information alongside other useful bits, such as discovering that if a girl goes out on a date and has no intention of letting anyone get into her pants, then she wont shave her legs.

Funnily enough, the conversation about 'pube presentation' came about from her telling me that she's given her feet a little make-over, pruning and painting her toe-nails etc, because she's going to see her Doctor about an issue she might have with her feet.
"It's all about making the right impression", she tells me.
If you ask me, I don't think Doctors actually give a shit about any of that. It's not like they would go home after a day in the surgery and make a conversational point about somebody's pubes, or feet, or whatever. That's surely a sign of a Doctor with too much time on their hands and we all know that's something they don't have.

11 parlez:

Anonymous said...

um, they notice. take my word for it.

Jo said...

I once went to the doctor for a smear test, only to have her point out I still had my diaphragm in.

I can't believe I just said that on the internet.

Cat said...

I generally whack it all off, and have never felt self-conscious at my GP's surgery during gynae type appointments. I'm more concerned about being freshly showered than any pubic topiary!

I always thought that they saw you like a car mechanic sees a wheel or something. But perhaps I'm wrong there.

treacle said...

I love The Girl! Like Cat I am more concerned with being clean and fresh.

bedshaped said...

Ok, so they notice maybe, but do they really care?

As if you just admitted that on the internet!

I don't think you're wrong cat, although I'm not quite sure I'd agree with your analogy. You know how guys and cars can be like!

I would imagine everybody is the same, although along similar lines, you do hear about people going to the dentist with awful teeth that haven't been brushed for ages.
Oof! I wish I hadn't just thought of that now.

Duck said...

I like the idea of the Duck-shaped topiary :)

bedshaped said...

A little tricky to master though, I'd presume.

Anonymous said...

they care. makes the work environment a little more pleasant, you know? hey, you gave the dentist analogy

SpiralSkies said...

Do quacks care about the body of the machine? I actually hate my doctor. He is smug, sanctimonious and short. I would really rather die than visit wearing anything but rubber gloves and pants.

I think it's something to do with his lip-licking when he blows on the stethoscope?

Ugh. Give me a pervy chiropractor any day.

lovestevie said...

I seriously wouldn't be surprised if some company out there sells stencils for this...

You know "Easy As 1-2-3! Choose your shape: duck, star, flag of Lichtenstein; hold in place; and zzzzzzz! Fashionable Nethers!"

Oh wait! think MY company sells this!

Ally said...

My midwife friend reckons that all healthcare professionals who have anything to do with That Department have seen it all before. Is she sure that her doctor is qualified in That Area?