Thursday, December 20

And why is it New Years Eve is always shit? Don't ya know what I mean man, deal wiv it.

It's been a real eye-opener just how many double entendres are involved in my line of work.
Often, I can have a conversation with a girl about her "blocked pipes", "internal flanges being ruptured" or "issues with her dumping" and neither of us will bat an eye-lid (although inside, I'm sniggering away like a schoolkid).
And I wonder, will I ever grow tired of this?!

With Christmas and New Year holidays almost upon us, it appears that cooking the festive dinners, general over indulgence with food and family/friend get-togethers present their own abundance of double entendre opportunities. So with this in mind, I thought I'd list a few in the hope that anybody who stumbles along this here blog might like to take the opportunity to "slip the occasional one in!" Yano, just for shits and giggles.
  • "Smother the butter all over the breast."
  • "I've never seen such an inviting spread."
  • "It's a little dry, but I'm still gonna enjoy eating it?"
  • "Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go."
  • "I prefer breast to legs."
  • "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
  • "How long will it take once you put it in?"
  • "That's the biggest bird I've ever had."
  • "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
  • "I wish you wouldn't play with your meat."
  • "Just wait your turn, you'll get some."
  • "Wow! I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more."
  • "You still have a little bit on your chin."
  • "If I don't undue my trousers, I'm gonna burst!"
  • "Are you ready for seconds yet?"
  • "I'm so full because I've been gobbling nuts all morning."
  • "Do you think you'll be able to handle having all these people all at once?"
  • "I didn't expect everybody to come at the same time."
  • "Just pull the end and wait for the bang!"
  • "That's the most I've stuffed in my mouth all year!"
A safe Christmas and peaceful New Year to all.


8 parlez:

Chloe said...

hehe you are so naughty. my favourite is "Do you think you'll be able to handle having all these people all at once?"
Merry Christmas to you x

stevie newton-john said...

As Bill & Ted would say, "Excellent!!!"

I'm about to leave for work, where I'll be subjected to a dreaded "office party" full of cookies, candies, and cakes. I'm on a serious diet and want to refrain.

My assface co-workers take offense to this.

Conundrum! What to do?

Hallelujah! I am saved!

I will now use this line as my way out:

"I'm so full because I've been gobbling nuts all morning."

Thank you!!!

And Happy Holidays!!!

(p.s. Got an Amazon gift card! Gonna buy The Rachel Papers!!!)

John said...

Ha :)

In one foul swoop you have just destroyed my ability to have any sort of christmas-related conversation with a straight face.

Complex Girl said...

Hey beddybyes! Hope you survive the double entendre festive period, and that the new year brings you much work and few bills!

Cat said...

The sandwich shop lady asked me if I preferred breast the other day. I sniggered, and then could tell she thought I was a complete arse.

Have a good one, lovely.

Beth said...

Sounds as though things might finally be getting slightly easier for you? I hope so - you deserve good things happening.

All the best for 2008.


treacle said...

Happy New Year Bedshaped. May it bring you success and infinite joy. x

Rachel said...

I love this so much, utterly hilarious. Well done