Wednesday, October 31

He's compromising. At least he's got a job for life. Get born, get school, get job, get car, pay tax and find a wife.

So what is it....Perfect Partner or Soul Mate?
Fate or Destiny?
Love At First Sight or third, forth, fifth time lucky?
Persistence or Chance?

What makes a person want to spend the rest of their life with another?
They say "opposites attract". They say "like two peas in a pod".
They say "you look for a duplicate of yourself". They say "you want to find a person with a different personality, a different opinion, a different attitude".

I'm sure dating agencies work differently nowadays, but I'm sure the older way of matching people was to find similarities, things in common, a good likeness of each other. That way following the "two peas in a pod" strategy.
Nowadays, I'm sure the internet dating sites would have criteria set out by the member. Certain things; physical appearance, likes, dislikes, opinions etc could be used to determine their 'match'. But then, isn't that ruling so many other possibilities out?
Speaking from my own point of view, I would never have been able to match myself up with The Girl. Her opinions, her personality, her physical appearance, her likes, her dislikes, etc....I'd never have been able to set them out as 'criteria to fit for possible match'. And I'd never want her to be anything or anyone other than herself, anyway.
I wouldn't say we were opposites, neither would I say we were similar. We're kinda blurred out somewhere in the middle. She compliments me in every way and when we're together, I feel like she brings out the best in me.

So perhaps there's no set formula at all. As we Humans are all different, maybe our preferences are too. So if that's the case, then how can anybody explain the success rates from Dating Sites and personal ads. Is that a case of 'lucky in love', 'chance' or 'destiny'?
I don't think 'Love' will ever be truly explainable, anymore so than the human brain.
In this day and age, we are no closer to explaining why we dream the things that we do, or Deja Vu, or why when your heart is broken, it really does feel like a dagger plunged right through your heart.

This was all nicely leading up to my point, until I forgot what my point was. I'm distracted tonight by Radio One's Live Lounge vol 2 and a nice smoke on the old "how's yer Father", so I apologise. Aah Jose Gonzalez "Heartbeats". Now that's just beauty wrapped up in a person.

I have nothing against Dating Sites or the people that use them, but if I were single, or indeed when I was single I would never even think about signing up with one. For the simple reason that they are seen as places where weirdos or dirty old men hang out (I'd like to point out that I don't think all guys fit into those categories, I'm just quoting general hear say). I've lost count the number of times I've stumbled across a blogpost talking about the weirdos and sex pests they get 'matched' with. So it's just a simple case of me not wanting to associate with places that would conjure up images of dirty old men and weirdos.
I saw a few months ago, Match.com was advertising with a promise of "Finding true love" or your money back. Now that's a big promise to fulfil. And where are the boundary lines when it comes to a dispute over whether it was true love or not. I imagine the Terms and Conditions on that one was a biggie.

Interesting that I began with soul mates and true love and perfect partners, and now I'm talking about Dating Sites. Perhaps that's some kind of destiny for me to post that here. Perhaps somebody who stumbles upon this post will find their perfect partner through a Dating Site and reading this post proved somewhat fateful.
My folks have been married a long time. People have done a life sentence in prison and then some to be exact. I look at them sometimes and wonder if they were lucky and found their perfect partner so young. Or are they of the generation that thinks "you have to work at a marriage" and tolerates and forgives. Over the years, they have shown less and less affection to each other. Is that something that just 'goes' or should it always be there? I know which one I'd like it to be.
You know what we don't see enough of....?
Old people holding hands.
I love it when I see old people holding hands, showing affection.

As you may have noticed, I still haven't reached my point, which I've yet to remember. It may come still, but I think I'll shut up now. I've moved onto Radiohead's new album, I'm feeling a little stoned and thinking my point will probably come back to me tomorrow, when I'm under somebody's bath.

So yeah, more old people holding hands!

Oh, and thank fuck for the spell checker!

5 parlez:

treacle said...

lol :)

I love seeing my parents hold hands. He smothered her with kisses on her birthday last weekend - something I have not seen him do for a very long time. They seem to become more affectionate as time goes on, relaxing the cultural taboos and being more open about their feelings. Its nice.

As for your point, somewhere in there I came away with: "love just happens - go with the flow; if it doesn't feel right don't do it and erm, don't let dating sites dictate your tastes"...maybe you were saying something entirely different but it made for a great read anyways!

Cat said...

My mum met her fella on Match.com earlier this year, and they are planning to marry. She describes him as her "soul mate", which doesn't say much for the fact she and my dad were married for almost 25 years before he died...

However, while I don't doubt they are very happy together, I think there's also an element of "good timing" in there. If they'd met five years ago, say, I don't think my mum would have been ready for the relationship. If they'd met 25 years ago, I'm not so sure they'd have been a "match" at all - I'm certain part of what makes their relationship so successful is that they have no money worries and can please themselves when it comes to having an excellent social life, lots of expensive holidays and so on. I could be wrong though.

My experience with Match.com, however, was a lot of odd messages and pretty disappointing dates with men I wouldn't have been interested in if I'd met them through friends/at work/in the pub or whatever!

John said...

I have never personally had any experience with a dating website...but to me there is a whole element of just 'no' to them.

It just cuts out the whole vital element of initial attraction etc etc...so just no...

Jo said...

What a splendid ramble! I don't smoke enough dope these days.

And I agree absolutely that there's no formula.

And I found Patti Smith's 12 for a fiver on Ebay. So I'm happy.

bedshaped said...

jo,
Neither do I.