Thursday, August 30

I suffer the dreams of a world gone mad, I like it like that and I know it. I know it well, ugly and sweet. That temper madness with an even extreme.

A few days ago, I think I was at my lowest. So far as this year goes anyway.
I still find it amazing that even when people are feeling depressed....No wait....let me re-phrase that....I still find it amazing that even when I'm feeling at my lowest, feeling like there's nothing else left that can bring me down anymore....something does. Whether it's something new that appears from nowhere and drags my heels down even further into the ground, or whether it's the sheer weight of everything that already exists that makes me lose my footing, something pulls me down even further.

Well, that's it.
That's enough.
I've suffered with so much negativity in my thoughts, that I'm positively attracting it. And I know this isn't a good thing. It's not good for me. It's not good for people around me. It's just not good, period.
So, it stops here.

I want to fill myself with positive energy.
I want to fulfill some of my dreams.
I want to be happy.
And I want the people who know me to look upon me, not with pity as they probably have done, but with pride and admiration.

One of my favourite things is the 1 Giant Leap project. Everything it stands for is based on the belief that positivity is the key to happiness. And that's the crux for me. I don't want huge wealth, I don't want fame and fortune, I don't want to be hugely popular, I don't want to live forever. I just want to be happy.
On the film that accompanies the project, there's a guy who says such a simple thing. Something so simple and obvious that when I first heard it, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I apologise if I misquote him, but this is basically what he said:
“Some people went around interviewing dying patients and not one person said they regretted not making more money or working harder, they all seemed to say their regrets were not spending more time with the people they love, and not traveling more and not relating more… to the world.”

7 parlez:

Jen said...

Well, for what it's worth, I'm a big believer in positive manifestation - what we put out into the universe is mangnified a thousandfold before coming back to us.

People who say 'oh, everything always goes wrong for me,' or 'my life's a disaster' are usually right! Only if/when they say ' that's it, things have GOT to get better' do things seem to improve.

Being positive against the oddds is one of the hardest things to do, I reckon.

Ramble over. I'm such a hippy. Don't tell anyone, will you?


treacle said...

Oh mate. I'm sorry that its felt so shit. And I'm glad that you seem to made a decision about concious positivity. I dont know what to say really - so I send you a fat treacle hug instead.

bedshaped said...

Yeah, it's very difficult to find the positive vibes in all the bleakness, but that's what I'm aiming for.
I'm hoping to attract more positive things with this attitude instead of drawing so much negativity my way.
Oh, and there's nothing wrong with being a hippy at heart.

Yes, it's been shit. But I'm not dwelling on what has been. I'm striving to go forward with a much more positive attitude. It's got me nowhere, thinking how crap things are. All I've done is attract more bleakness which has dragged me down. It's time for me to change my attitude and outlook.
Thanks for the hug and the positive vibes.

Cat said...

Good luck! I find when I'm suffering really badly with depression that it's very difficult to gain any perspective. Now you have a bit of that, you can only move forward.

However. The fact you have James Blunt in your playlist there does make me wonder if you haven't flipped entirely....

Sara-Jane said...

Hi Bedshaped.. just passing through..
Cut the "I want" line..that's still out there.. you need "I am" and start believing and *feeling* as if you are already there.
You are filled with positive energy
You are fufilling your dreams
You are happy
People do look to you with pride and admiration

You are the key to your happiness.

Read up on the Law of Attraction (read up on all the Universal Laws.. it's the law!)

oh and also read up on Ho'oponopono too :-)

Ordinary Girl said...

It's funny isn't it, our perception of ourselves. I always read you with a kind of awe (in the non-cheesiest way), and pity is a feeling I could never imagine relating to you at all!

Happy thoughts winging their way...

bedshaped said...

I can totally understand what you're saying, but I'm past all that now. I see no point in wallowing in my own self pity. It achieves absolutely nothing except makes everything appear 100 times worse.
Things can move forward and get better, yes. Things WILL change. My whole attitute has changed with something just as simple as how I look at myself. I'm focused on the positive aspects and it's doing me good.
I'll ignore your dig at the James track. That's a cheap shot! It will be interesting to see what happens when he releases his new album though, huh?

Thanks for the words of advice. Very much appreciated. I'm still in the infancy of all this, but even now I can feel the change.

ordinary girl,
Thanks for the kind words. The Girl read what you said and thought it was funny that somebody 'reads me in awe'. I'm taking your happy thoughts and using them to my advantage.