Monday, March 29

I can't see you, when I want to, where I am now. With our old lives left behind us, we are new, now.

Something I did last night, left me feeling really shitty.
My ex is an aspiring artist. I've always loved her work, she really grew in the time I knew her. And she used to post pictures of her works on a photo website.
Well, last night I wanted to look at....well, I was just curious. I just wondered how she was getting on with it and if she'd posted some pictures of her latest stuff.
She has.
They're all looking great!
But I couldn't just stick to the latest stuff could I?. Ohhh noooo! I browsed back. I didn't look at too may other pictures, but I guess it didn't matter. I felt a terrible surge of familiarity, because, well I guess because they were ones that she did when we were together. That surge felt all kinds of wrong.
So last night, and most of today, I've been feeling like some kind of stalker! Like I've sneakily invaded her personal space. Like I've just been 'checking up' on her. None of that could be further from the truth. I just wanted to see how her art studies were going. And I feel weak having to repeat that statement, as if I'm lying or trying to cover something up. I'm not.
I feel terribly guilty.

3 parlez:

Anonymous said...

I wrote you a long comment but all I want to say is....

I believe you.

Mike said...

Your blog has been recommended to us as a interviewee's favorite blog!

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for Blog
Interviewer. We'd
like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online here Submit your

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

bedshaped said...

Thanks x.

I've emailed you.