Thursday, January 18

Excuse me but can I be you for a while. My dog wont bite if you sit real still. I got the Anti-Christ in the kitchen, yellin' at me again.

I feel sad that I've almost finished my book.

The last few days have seen me toiling with emotions.
Juggling with telephone conversations.
Struggling with a lump of metal that's trying to pass itself off as a car.
Attempting to make peace with the people who are demanding money.
Being on the verge of tears.

More than once, I've almost convinced myself that this is too hard and I should take the easy way out. But somehow I've resisted. Unsure if it's stubborness, principle or a desire to beat the system.
I'm not ready to throw my cards on the table just yet.
Surely the hand I hold is good enough to win.

In certain parts of my life, I fight with myself to not be a conformist. I am not a sheep that follows the lead of others and am quite proud of the black colour my family have painted me with.

9 parlez:

Cat said...

I've met the bloke who wrote this book, he was interviewed on a programme I worked on when it came out.

Now, namedropping over. Keep your chin up, mate, this too shall pass.

bedshaped said...

cat,
I saw him do one of his 'shows' a couple of months ago. I'd not read his book when I saw him and kinda went in a little blind. What I came away with was a feeling that it's always a good thing to be a nice guy.
I found him completely fascinating.

Anonymous said...

This is the first time I got the lyrics straight off in a year of reading your blog and it has made me smile. Not much of a consolation I'm sure considering your current situation but when in the doldrums you can't do better than listening to some Tori X

bedshaped said...

anon,
I'm pleased I made you smile, even with such a little thing.
Smiles help the world go around.

lillian said...

Sadly the author does not exaggerate about prisons here in Thailand.

Vesper said...

just keep believing in yourself! the universe has a way of coming through.

Chloe said...

never throw the cards on the table, fight with all of your might. families assign roles, our job is to rise above these roles. xxxx

H said...

I worked in a venue that the author was working in for a month, he'd come every day pick up his mail which consisted on little packages from fans and tell me who to put on the guest list. He was lovely but I couldn't imagine him running a big drug smuggling scheme.

H said...

Also I hope you get things sorted. keep fighting you'll get there. There is no such thing as the easy way out. Well i don't believe there is, x