Thursday, January 11

And If you think that I've been losing my way. That's because I'm slightly blinded.

I am unstable.
My moodswings are reaching Def Con 1 and show no signs of letting up.

I thought I'd be constantly watching Celebrity Big Brother on the live feeds, but I've prefered to read or watch movies.
I've seen Rocky Balboa, which was ok. Ultravoilet, which was awful. White Noise, which didn't really do what it set out to do. Pan's Labyrinth, which was just brilliant. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind really moved me and I loved it.
I've finished reading the Dan Price book and am currently a quarter of the way through Mr Nice, an autobiography about Howard Marks.

The banging my head up against a brick wall Money people are still digging their heels in. A telephone conversation today resulted in me knowing nothing new. In fact some of what they said to me sounded like I had gone back a few steps.
When will all this money bollocks end?!

It's proving very difficult to get motivated with so much on my mind. I'm becoming lethargic and loathsome.
I don't like how I am portraying myself, but I don't want to hide how I'm feeling.

If you think that I don't make too much sense
That's because I'm broken minded.

7 parlez:

Angela said...

obviously i don't know the exact in's and out's of your situation right now, so feel free to tell me to fuck off, but i'll tell you what sprang to mind when i read this post just now:

bedshaped, don't feel guilty about spending your time reading and watching films and [i hope you are still] listening to music. (the healing powers of good music should never be underestimated or forgotten.)

but maybe you should put a time limit onto this. say, for example, set an exact date when you will pull your proverbial finger out and decide what to do with the rest of your life (or, just the rest of this year, or whatever) and then you can feel completely comfortable with whatever you choose to do with your time up until that date.

does that make any sense? like i said, i don't know your exact circumstances...i just don't want you to go down the same path i went down once upon a time, because i know how tough it's been for me to find my way back onto a different path and i'm still taking slight detours even now!

you will get to where you're going eventually, you know? even if (like me) you don't know where that place is yet.

best of luck.


Angela said...

pee ess: please please please can you update and/or refresh your playlist because i'd really like to hear Editors - All Sparks (live lounge) but the file has expired.

pull your goddamn finger out, man! ;-)

Angela said...

thank you kindly.


poet266 said...

Hey.. glad to hear that you took the plunge to take control of your own life. It's a scary time for you right now but you're moodswings will stabilise. Just make sure you're not "smoking" more (you know what I mean) having all the extra free time you've got.

I'm learning that what you put into your body via food can lighten your mood intensely - perhaps you should take this opportunity to learn too.

Take care of yourself sir. You are an important cog in the wheel of life!

moi said...

I may take your lead and start watching movies again.

it's been a while.

Cat said...

Sorry to hear things are a bit shit at the moment. This too shall pass. And at least daytime telly is less terrible than it was over the Christmas break.

bedshaped said...

Thanks for the thoughts and advice.
I do have a time limit set. In my head, it's an immovable entity.
And, you're welcome.

I'm not 'smoking' any more than I would normally do. In fact, if anything, it's less.
I hear what you're saying about food. This is something I do need to address. I'm seriously crap with food.

I can recommend "Serenity" and "Pan's Labyrinth". Avoid "UltraVoilet" at all costs.

Alas, the mental visions I am emitting of myself flicking off to Trisha are unfortunately of the fictional variety.