Wednesday, September 20

Just what is it that you want to do? We wanna be free, we wanna be free, to do what we wanna do.

What is it about training courses?

This afternoon, I had the delight of attending a training course/refresher. Nice venue, but the coffee was shit.
The guy who 'took' the course befits the name Mr Excitable. Any questions thrown at him were not dissimilar to throwing a dog a bone. He almost 'fizzed' with enthusiasm, so much so that it was almost off-putting.
Ok, so he's got a training job to do.
Ok, so he's enthusiastic about the products.
Ok, so he can't be seen to just sit there and 'deliver' the training/refresher course with about as much enthusiasm as a gay guy in a brothel, but purleeese.
This guy was acting like he'd been doing lines of coke in the toilets during the breaks. Honestly, he was so buzzed up, at one point I thought he might spontaneously combust.

Everytime I go to a training session, I always pick the 'wrong seat'. The 'wrong seat' would be the one next to the table with the worlds most boring person also sat at.
Enter Mr Monotone.
Unfortunately, I'd already spent 20 minutes sitting in the waiting lounge, drinking coffee whilst listening to him go onnnn and onnnn about things that evoke as much excitement in me as if I were faced with 20 public toilets to clean....with my mouth.
Not only was Mr Monotone....erm...very monotone, but he was the kinda delegate who couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. Ok, so in some cases these kind of people have something relevant to say, but when he said, "I have a story about that scenario" for the umpteenth time, even Mr Excitable told him "none of us really want to hear that story".
At the beginning of the training session, he presented himself as a person who had been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
By the end of the session, he had not only emerged as one of the weaker people in the room, but his knowledge was so bad that it became very apparent he had been costing his Company lots of money. And when I say lots, I mean lots.
I left the training session with a little more knowledge and a nice pen. Now if it had have been a pencil....

It's one of the only training courses I can remember, where the tutor hasn't said anything about "sucking eggs".
The relief!

From the training venue to my parents house....
The Mission: To repair their supposedly broken computer.
It was indeed poorly, but not broken. A little movement here, a little jiggery-pokery there. A few scans and wipe downs, reboots and analytical skills and the old devil was performing up to speed once again.
I actually have no idea how I fixed it, but my folks seem to think I am Bill Gates, so why destroy the myth, huh?
A late addition to the itinerary, was my dad announcing that their surround sound system wasn't set up right. They've had this system, for about a year now and now he moans that it's not working right.
"The booms, crashes and explosions are all ok, but I can't hear what they are saying when it's just speaking."
There followed some more jiggery-pokery, involving me pressing buttons on the remote control unit that's got more buttons that the Pussycat Dolls! And they've got loads!
Problem solved, although once again, I'm not quite sure how. But that's not important, huh?

I bid my farewell with a "I'll send my bill on email tomorrow", only to be met with blank looks.

I have the most uncool parents in the world.

Not like The Girl. She tells me tonight that the relationship she has with her mother is more like a sisterly thing. Apparently, they have discussions about things that would normally be saved for slightly merry scenarios with your friends in some pub somewhere.

With this in mind, I'm not sure I'm ever gonna be able to look her mum in the eyes again.
Not that I'm now worried or anything....

5 parlez:

Cat said...

God, the training course. I had one last week and it wasn't pretty. It never helps that they pick the hottest possible room to hold them in.

Dita said...

Sucking eggs?

Joe said...

i'm pretty sure there are gay brothels too. actually, i haven't got a clue.

Saffyre said...

God I hate training courses. they bore me rigid.

Oh, and I have talks like that with my mum too. She gets to know EVERYTHING!

bedshaped said...


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