I wish I could laugh, but that joke isn't funny anymore.

I don't push myself enough and I only have myself to blame.

Speaking to my folks earlier, they can sense my frustration and tell me that I'm trying to do too much in not enough time.
How can there be not enough time?
Time is surely something I have plenty of, bar being at work, that is.

I'm sure it's more down to piss poor planning on my behalf, but then....I've never been very good at planning things.
I guess I'm a typical guy when it comes down to keeping time.
I say I'm gonna be 10 minutes, when I know full-well it's gonna be more like 20.
I say I will be there by 8pm and arrive later that what would be deemed 'fashionably late'.

In essence, I guess I'm unreliable when it comes down to timekeeping.
Of course, it doesn't help that other people are always so forgiving about it. Perhaps I need somebody to tell me that it's unacceptable and things need to change.

The viscous circle of work is beginning to haunt me once again. If it wasn't for the fact that I like working directly with 'people' so much, I would have jacked this job in a long time ago. I keep setting myself 'goals' to aim for, as far as my studying goes, but something else always seems to get in the way. The annoying thing is, it's not even important stuff that's sidetracking me, it's purely down to me taking the 'easy way out'.
Deep down, I know that this viscous circle will never be broken unless I take a sledge-hammer and break it myself.

I'm tired....
Tired of making do. Tired of accepting what is dealt to me and tired of being so amicable about how my life is going.
I know that I'm worth so much more than my current status.

It's times like this, I'm gonna really miss Leon.