Monday, April 24

The answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind....

I just farted in the kitchen.

As defined by

Ok, so I can understand the whole 'our bodies build up gas inside and have to release them, otherwise we will blow up until we combust' thing, but really....was there no better way for Mother Nature to deal with this predicament?

I just can't do it in front of other people. It doesn't matter if it's my brother, my parents, my blood, my best friend, my work colleagues, my girlfriend....I just can't do it without feeling like the most embarrassed person in the entire world because in my head everybody is pointing their finger and holding their nose.
There have been times when I've had to excuse myself, often saying I have to use the loo in order to secretly 'let one out'.
There have been times when they've been (thankfully) silent, but then that's usually combined with a 'but violent', thus creating an SBV. This has often seen me making a swift disappearing act or if my exits are all blocked, then I've played the innocent one.

Our workplace is fast becoming a 'farting is ok' zone. Just lately, certain people feel the need to either verbally announce the event, or even worse, asking somebody to "Pull my finger!" By far the worst offender is The Blagger. Much as I like the guy, his 'gaseous eruptus' leaves a lot to be desired. Not only that, but he almost wears a certain amount of pride when he feels like he's really "Delivered a belter!"
He farts in front of the Managing Director. He farts in front of the girls who work behind the reception desks. He farts in front of his girlfriend. Hell, he even farts in front of customers.
A few weeks ago, I was party to a conversation between him and a friend of ours, telling stories of how he "Trapped Krusty under the bed covers and delivered evil". She just sits there laughing about it strange.

If I do it here at my place, on my own, I find myself wanting to say, "Oops" or "Excuse me", which is ridiculous because I have nobody to apologise to. Well, except Marley of course.

It's not big and it's not clever.

1 parlez:

Dita said...

I so can't do it in front of other people and I know plenty of girls that can. I'm so embarrassed if one accidentally occurs. Flatulence.

I have a few men at work that love, love, love to pass gas and run out of my office. Personally...I think it's harrassment. Shameful.