Tuesday, December 24

Are you really here, or am I dreaming? I can't tell dreams from truth. For it's been so long since I have seen you. I can hardly remember your face anymore.

It's not that I havent got things inside, that I wanna spill out on here. Far from it.
I just....
I think I've become a little lazy. Logging into here feels more like a chore, compared to Facebook and the like.
Even with my unforgivable neglect here, I've just checked the stats, and this place is getting around four hundred hits a month. To me, that's like totally fucked up. Most of them are Google searches, but some are direct hits. The majority is split between Canada and Russia.
Hello and Zdravstvuj.

Christmas is just two days away. Well one actually, considering it's gone midnight now.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm always gonna struggle with Christmas time. 
I'm trying to learn to live with it.
I've decided to spend Christmas day alone. I'll see the kids in the morning, as always, but instead of joining family or friends for a meal and the rest of the day, I wanna spend some time on my own. This has been, once again, a crappy year. As crappy as it's been, I've learnt to wade through and focus on the good stuff.
Always focus on the good stuff.

The house is coming together. I still have a small bedroom to redecorate. Oh, and replace the ceiling. Then I can do my Bedroom and carpet the hall, stairs and landing. A few things outside and fingers crossed, I'll be done. Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do. I do love this place. There's loads of room. But....there's too much room. I know it will probably not make much financial sense; downsizing to something more sensible will probably be the same for me, financially. But downsizing is what would be sensible, should I decide to stick around here. But fuck me, I really do dislike the Midlands. So, I've also been considering selling up, and finding a place back in Manchester. I really felt at home in that city.
I'm sure it will come to me....eventually.

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