Sunday, March 31

And there's a part of me that still believes, my soul will soar above the trees. But a desperate fear flows through my blood, that a dead love's buried beneath the mud.

I'm hoping that going forward, I'm going to see a slight improvement in my finances. My role at work has switched, and if I can make it work, then hopefully my earnings will improve. Then perhaps I can start to make a dent in this debt, and do some more things around the house.
Having such a lack of money has meant I've really missed out on life lately. With no spare cash I've not been to any gigs, seen any movies at the cinema, been bowling, been out for any drinks (not counting the last one with work colleagues because that was a paid for night), and have generally avoided hanging out with friends, for fear it leads to costing me money; not just for food, or drinks or whatever, but even for the fuel it's costs me to get there. Ridiculous, I know. But it's how I've been living. And in a way, having that as an excuse has made me feel a little easier about spending most of my time alone.
The real reason though....I've lost a lot of confidence in myself. Particularly in my ability to trust people, almost certainly as a result of my last disastrous relationship.
I'm perfectly happy spending all this time with myself. I have the two cats and music to keep me sane.
I really hope this isn't a permanent feeling though.

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