We are fast approaching that time of the year.
Christmas bears too many scars, and feels tainted beyond repair. New years eve holds too many dark memories, the darkest almost swallowing me whole.
Christmas is a time that many people don't realize just how lucky they are. The homeless, the lonely, the dying, the people spending this time of year without their friends around, without their family near, feeling like they are unloved. Even unlovable. No matter how shit we think our lives feel, there's always someone, somewhere....probably not very far away, who would give anything to swap places. I read earlier that the reported number of homeless people sleeping on the street in London has risen over 40% in the last twelve months. That's not just horrifying, it's unacceptable in this day and age.
This time last year, my girlfriend was about to move in with me. Less than six months later, my rooms were empty, my trust was crushed, my heart was broken and I found myself alone once again. I had no furniture left in the house, save a bed, a fridge and a very old TV that had an off coloured picture which pulled at one side. I'm slowly building things back up. Slowly making the repairs. Slowly building my life back.
My ex-girlfriend grew out of her stalking phase a few months ago, and even though I'd really like to hear from her, or one of her family or friends, to say that she's doing ok. That she's managed to get herself off that shit she was on, and keep herself clean. In a way, I don't. Because I'm scared that I'm going to be disappointed.
I've had some really shit years, particularly lately. And I always find myself trying to focus, trying to stay positive, and think to myself that the next year will be better. Even just a small amount better, but better none-the-less.
I won't be sorry to see the arse end of this year. Good riddance 2012. You sucked big, fat, smelly donkey bollocks.
I'm gonna make a point of staying up and raising a glass at midnight, this year.