Thursday, January 29

Safety pins holding up the things that make you mine. About your hair, you needn't care, You look beautiful all the time.

Eurgh. January has proved itself to be a big pile of smelly pants. I know there's a day in January which is known as the most depressing day of the year, but I wonder if the month as a whole is just as guilty. The entire country seems to be in a funk. Even the optimistic must be struggling with these blues.
Not surprisingly, work hasn't picked up any. It's usually quiet after the New Year, but I've found the whole month to be pretty dire. In an effort to push myself out there a little more I'm adopting the "got to speculate to accumulate" train of thought and am paying for additional local advertising. Others seem to be a lot more optimistic about the outcome than I am, and I'd love nothing more than to be proved wrong.
A car accident and cancer claimed two of my friends. 44 and 42 is way, way too early to leave this life as we know it. The universe has a strange way of behaving, sometimes.
If it wasn't for The Girl, I'd most likely be digging myself a nice hide-away right now. I'm really leaning on her at the moment and much as I love her, I'm being plagued more and more by the thought that I'm just not good enough for her. She's working so hard with her Uni work, and doing so well, and I'm often sat watching the days melt into each other. My confidence has been taking knocks on a regular basis. My resilience is dissolving.
I picked the wrong time to stop smoking. Well, so long as nobody's counting last Wednesday when the clutch in the van decided to give up the ghost. I've never had to be recovered before. It's nothing to write home about. I mean, it's not like riding in the back of an ambulance with the blue lights flashing.

And I'm bored with this place too.
And I used to be funny.

6 parlez:

Fern said...

maybe you can..uh I don't know..wait?

stuff changes eventually...

bedshaped said...

....wait for what?

Beth said...

Don't worry about being bored with the blog - stop it until you need it again and just focus on worrying about the important stuff.

As for not being 'good enough' for The Girl - well, you've got to know how much happier she is these days? And she'll tell you that herself I'm sure.


SpiralSkies said...

Life is pretty duff sometimes. Grim to the power of 40 with poo on top.

But it changes, right? It can't be this rubbish for long.

Agent Orange said...

Not trying to look smug here, simply trying to show that the good times do come around.
By way of example I have just flew through the best January ever.
January, actually enjoyable! Who'd have though it? Just shows that anything can happen.

Oh, and my word verification was the title of a Shamen album. Fancy that.

bedshaped said...

She did. How strange.

I welcome the change....when it finally comes.

Agent Orange,
It's nice to read stuff like that. After all, not so long ago I know things were far from great for you. Go you!