Well I know that it's a wonderful world, but I can't feel it right now. I thought that I was doing well, but I just want to cry now.

It's difficult for me to find a balance in life.
The scales are either tipped one way or the other, sometimes to extremes.

I can think back to a time where I loved the job I was doing, but I had no place of my own and my personal life was 'so-so'.
Then, I can think back to another time when my personal life was pretty good, I was within touching distance of moving out of my folks house and yet my job stank.

Are we supposed to find a balance between them all?
Are we supposed to set a benchmark and strive to get everything above it.
Is there any point in wondering if there could ever be a time where everything is great. Not perfect, not absolutely amazing, not immaculate....just great.
Most people would settle for great, yeah? I know I would.

I strive to be optimistic, yet my dark pessimism beats me down everytime. I wonder if that's a part of the disease they call depression? When the vision has been inked by those dark, pendulous clouds, is it possible for these storms to be banished forever....Or will there always be the chance of becoming overcast.


I can see great things ahead and yet my feet are stuck in the festering rank of 'below par'. Getting unstuck will be a huge effort of both will and strength.
So where does the strength come from when your cavalry has deserted you?